Black Magic White Lies
by Moscow Watcher
Summary: Alternate BtVS season 5. Xander thinks he has a little secret. He doesn't know that his little secret is a part of a big fat conspiracy.
1. Chapter 1

"You don't know what's in your slayer, do you?"

(Moments of truth always catch us unawares. Later, Xander realized it had been one of those moments, but back then it was just unsettling. Together with Buffy and Willow he came to the hospital to visit Joyce, and when he lingered behind in the corridor, a patient in a straight-jacket suddenly turned to him, winked conspiratorially and whispered this question. How did this lunatic know about the slayer? He was about to ask him, but a nurse approached, and Buffy called him, and he caught up with his friends and put the incident behind him.)

Maybe he should tell the others about it. Right now, as Xander, Willow and Giles sit in the Magic Box and talk about some mysterious murder they're investigating, about Buffy's problems and her mom's illness, about Wesley Wyndam-Pryce's call from Los-Angeles and Angel spinning out of control and turning to the dark side. Again. Not that it's a big surprise, that guy has always been a loose cannon...

"...And I want you to forget about it as soon as it's done," Giles says to Willow. Xander flinches. Obviously he zoned out a bit. Has he missed something?

"Sure, Giles," Willow's fingers dance on her laptop keys. "After the Initiative encryption programs this one looks easy-peasy..." She stares, surprised. "Um... Are you sure this is the server you need?"

Giles nods curtly. Willow looks at him with concern and frowns.

Xander is intrigued. Pity he's sitting across the table and can't see the screen. Is Willow hacking The Watcher Council's site? Or what?

"Who are you hacking, guys? Pentagon, or FBI?"

Giles looks at him with barely concealed irritation.

"I have to make certain enquiries, privately. This is a rather delicate business. The less you know about it the better."

Xander hopes his sulking isn't too obvious. He looks at his watch and sighs. Anya should be here already. He goes to the window to look at the street and lingers there, his back to them, so, thankfully, they can't see his face when he hears Willow's next words.

"I wish I could do a memory spell to make myself forget that I just hacked the server of Northern California Women's Facility. It's not about an upcoming apocalypse, is it?"

Xander realizes his hands are balled in fists. It's a coincidence, he thinks. It must be a coincidence. Thousands of women serve their time there.

He steals a look at Giles and Willow. Giles is polishing his glasses - never a good sign. "Not at all," he says dryly. "Like I said, it's a little private enquiry. Hopefully, nothing serious..."

Xander turns away to the window again. He's not eavesdropping. First, they know he's in the room. Second, there is nothing to eavesdrop. Giles is checking something for somebody. Big deal. And it's just a coincidence that he needs information from Northern California Women's Facility...

"...I'm sure Mr. Wyndam-Pryce is overreacting," Giles concludes.

Xander's stomach knots. No, it's not a coincidence. Something's wrong. Wrong with her.

"We're in," Willow says. "So, what are we looking for?"

"Medical records".

Suddenly, Xander feels so dizzy he has to take a deep breath to clear his head. Something bad has happened to her. She's dying. No, she's already dead. No. No. She's a survivor. Maybe it's nothing serious. Maybe she just got sick. Slayers get sick. He remembers Buffy falling ill and him visiting her in the hospital and confronting Angelus and feeling utterly helpless against his insolence... But why does Giles need medical records? Maybe she's got some weird mystical illness. Please, God, nothing nasty. And, please, anything to delay Anya who is - he checks his watch - a quarter an hour late. Anything to delay Anya's arrival until Willow finds out that nothing's wrong with her. In a minute Willow will find her file and tell Giles that there is nothing to worry about...

"Thank you, Willow," Giles says. "I'll take it from here. I hope it's all right to borrow your laptop for an evening."

Willow furrows her brow. "Are you sure?"

"I think I can manage." Giles' smile is forced. "I may not have your computer skills but I definitely know how to use the cursor and hit 'enter' ".

Xander demonstratively looks at his watch as Giles sees Willow to the door. He's not eavesdropping, he's not hanging around, he's just waiting for Anya, who is terribly late, by the way...

"Anya is late," he says, although Giles doesn't ask him anything. "We planned on meeting here."

Giles averts his eyes. "Of course." He takes off his glasses, and starts polishing them absentmindedly. Is he just fidgeting?

Xander heart sinks. Does Giles know? Maybe he just suspects something. Or maybe Xander is just imagining things, and Giles is impatient to send Willow and him on their way as soon as possible and to focus on his oh-so-mysterious research. The research that has nothing to do with her.

When Giles returns to the table, he sits down, his back to the wall, making it impossible to look at the screen without being noticed. Xander loiters about, trying to come up a reason to get closer and look over Giles' shoulder. His mind is blank, he can only think about her, sick, wounded, dying in her cell. Screw the excuse - he just has to pick the right moment to look, as soon as Giles finds her records.

Interminable minutes pass. Giles is deft with books but slow with computers. Every time he clicks a key and peers at the screen, Xander tenses, ready to spring to the monitor, but every time Giles shifts his gaze back to the keyboard and slowly clicks the keys.

The phone rings, shrilly, making Xander jump. He grabs the receiver without taking his eyes off Giles. "Anya, what happened?" Anya chirps something about a new beauty parlor and how trendy it is and how many women are lining up for it and about being sorry for ruining his evening... Xander listens with half an ear and tries to reply coherently. "Sure... Yes, of course... Next time. No, I don't mind at all..."

Suddenly, Giles raises his head and looks Xander in the eye. It's the mix of guilt and curiosity on Giles' face that makes Xander decide.

"So, why do you need Faith's medical records?" he asks as he puts the phone down.

Giles is appalled. "How have you... I mean, what a strange, ridiculous idea..."

"Just 'cause I didn't do college, doesn't mean I can't use my head." Xander hopes his face doesn't betray him. "Faith is serving her time there, right? I can put two and two together, you know."

"How did you know where she is incarcerated?"

"You told us. Or maybe Buffy did." He knows he's bluffing heavily but he has no choice. "Besides, you said her former Watcher had asked you to check the files."

"I did?"

"You said something about Wesley overreacting. Giles, can you just tell me what's going on?"

Giles deflates and looks away.

"Don't misunderstand me, Xander. There are things you're better off not knowing. For your own good."

Whatever it means, it doesn't sound good. Cue for a lame joke. Hopefully his smile doesn't look particularly phony. "So, you're protecting our innocent souls."

Giles snorts. "Or, rather, your sarcastic little arses."

Xander hesitates. After all, he has nothing to lose. Maybe Giles doesn't know anything.

"Mind if I help? No offence, Giles, but you're a lousy hacker."

Giles smiles wryly. "I bet this thing is possessed," he murmurs. "Every time I have to double-click my fingers suddenly stiffen".

Xander snorts and comes closer. Now he can see the screen with rows of files. They're labeled by numbers. Giles clicks the next file, it opens. He looks at the photo and, after yet another tussle with the disobedient mouse, closes the file. It takes him about thirty seconds to do it.

Xander sighs. There are thousands of files. At this rate they're likely to spend the whole night here.

"Why don't you rearrange them by date?" he asks.

Giles looks at him in awe. "You can do that?"

Xander shrugs, feigning indifference. He takes his stand behind Giles' back and reconfigures the order of files. Ms. Calendar's computer classes turned out to be pretty useful. His hands itch to start checking June 2000 entries but he restrains himself. Giles shouldn't suspect that he knows when Faith was transferred there.

"Check the June files," Giles says. Xanders suppresses a sigh of relief and starts the search. Double click - look at the photo - close - next - double click - look - close - next... His fingers move quickly, automatically - computer games are good practice.

"You haven't answered," he says. "Why do you need her records?"

"Just a precaution." Giles' voice is tired and flat. "She's refusing to meet anybody. The last time Mr. Wyndam-Pryce saw her was when she was transferred there in June. He said he got the impression that she was..."

Giles falls silent. Xander's heart skips a beat.

"Mr. Wyndam-Pryce hoped to get a chance to talk to her. To ask her. To clear it up. She refused to see him. He tried to make official enquiries..."

Xander bites his lips. He's on the verge of screaming with frustration. Double click - look - close - next - double click - look...

Her photo leaps out at him from the computer screen like a slap in his face - stubborn mouth, challenging eyes, tousled hair. Xander reluctantly tears his eyes off her mug shot and feverishly scans the words onscreen.

"Oh dear," Giles says softly and closes the lid of the laptop. "Xander, I'm extremely grateful for your help, but it's... It's no concern of yours, really. Thank you."

Xander nods automatically. He lets Giles to show him the door of the Magic Shop because he's too stunned to resist. He hasn't read everything on the page but he had enough time to catch the gist.

Faith is pregnant.


	2. Chapter 2

"...I didn't know comas made people so horny."

Faith laughed and straddled him - insatiable, powerful, dangerous. She pulled him in, her hungry lips tracing his jaw line, her hands tangled in his hair. Her tongue invaded his mouth and she started riding him, mesmerizingly slowly, rocking back and forth. The world pulsated, dipped and soared - he found himself drowning in sensations: the heat of her skin, the bittersweet taste of her lips, the music of her hoarse, rapturous laughter. And - her eyes. God, her eyes. Suddenly death stopped meaning anything, and he was sliding down a dizzy whirlwind towards completion. Shadows danced on her face as she arched, shuddered and toppled on the bed next to him - sated, spent, regally beautiful.

He tried to collect his thoughts. He knew he had little time - she never gave him more than five minutes. He tentatively kissed her shoulder. No reaction. She was laying motionless, her eyes closed, her body relaxed - a predator in a rare moment of peace. Emboldened, he traced the curves of her breasts with his lips, felt her shiver and continued slowly caressing her, coming down to her abdomen...

"That's where she stabbed me."

It was so unexpected he didn't comprehend at first.

"What?"

"You're kissing me exactly where she stuck that knife."

"Faith, I'm so sor..."

"You know how much it hurts when you're stabbed with your own knife? It hurts like hell. You know she gutted me because she wanted to feed a slayer to her pet vampire? Oh, and she also wanted to have a knife with my blood on it to destroy the man who cared about me. To lure him into a trap. Did you know that?"

Unable to bring himself to look her in the eye, he stared at her flat, toned stomach. Smooth skin, no scars. Hard to believe that last year Buffy has buried a knife in this warm, soft flesh. Impossible to imagine this perfection disfigured with a wound and drenched in blood.

If only Slayers' souls could heal as neatly as their bodies.

"Faith, people have to let the past go before it destroys them. I believe - I know - you're not evil."

She pushed herself up on one elbow and patted him on his cheek.

"Stupid," she said with real affection. "I am evil. You know why? Because I'm not a loser like you. I'm on the winning side. Evil always wins. Evil is stronger. Simple as that. A knife in the gut's the best way to win any argument."

"Sure, evil is stronger to start with. But, you know, there is a catch. As soon as evil wins it starts destroying itself from within. So, on the long run, the good wins every time."

His damn tongue has always been his worst enemy. Abruptly Faith's strong hands stopped their exploration of his throbbing, burning body. In a quick predatory movement, she sprang on top of him and pressed him into the mattress.

"Quite a sport, aren't you? What if I killed you right now? Who would win?"

He closed his eyes. Death shouldn't look so beautiful. Death should look ugly and dreadful...

"Admit it, it turns you on, fucking a murderer."

He shook his head, his eyes still shut. "No! It's not what you think. And you're not a murderer. It was a freak accident. If only you could stop running..."

She laughed scornfully.

"Liar. Now, open your eyes and look at me. I said, open your eyes. And look. At. Me."

He opened his eyes and saw a knife in her hands.

"We'll play a game. Game of good and evil. One of us is Buffy, the other is Faith. Buffy guts Faith with this knife. It's very sharp, see?" She made a small shallow cut on his skin.

He stared at her in disbelief. "Listen, Faith, you shouldn't... You just need someone's help, and right now I'm thinking it's gonna be me..."

She slapped him, lightly, playfully.

"But you're already helping, dim-wit. Look... it's wicked easy..." She positioned the knife's hilt on his abdomen and set the cutting edge below her navel. "Just hold me, and it's done."

What? He giggled nervously. He expected anything but this.

"Listen, I don't want to play games..."

"You want to be Buffy, don't you, baby?" She smirked. "Come on, you always wanted to be Buffy..."

He made an attempt to put away the knife, but she steadied it against her stomach with a steely resolve, smiled encouragingly and started leaning over.

"Now, baby, don't be afraid... hold me tight."

He shuddered. "Faith, stop, please..."

She moved slowly, relentlessly, intoxicated with the closeness of death, and he realized, horrified, that she was planning to take her deadly embrace all the way. And he can't do anything. If he moved, he'd gut her.

Inspiration struck. "I'm Faith!"

She froze.

"What?"

"What if I'm Faith and you're Buffy?"

She hesitated.

"It's not against the rules," he reminded. "You said "one of us".

"Spoilsport." Mildly disappointed, she removed the knife and grinned. "Okay, rules are rules."

Several drops of blood trickled down her abdomen - she had cut herself a little, after all. She wiped the blood with her finger and shoved it into his mouth. "You like the sweet taste of Buffy's blood?"

He gulped convulsively. "Could we talk? Give me five minutes, Faith, and I will..."

She slapped him again, more violently. "I'm not Faith, moron. You're Faith. I'm Buffy. Buffy the Belly Ripper."

"Buffy," he repeated obediently. "Could we talk?"

"Too late, Faithie. You're a bad girl and I don't need you anymore. I've already taken everything that belonged to you and now I'm gonna rip into your cute belly and enjoy watching you bleed. You'll get what you want, Faithie. Despicable, wretched Faithie who loves death and misery."

She kissed the tip of the knife and placed it against his stomach. He stiffened, resisting the urge to thrash in her hands. She's so much stronger, she'd kill him instantly. Him, and then - herself.

With an effort he tore his gaze from the knife and looked her in the eye. "I'm not despicable, wretched Faithie," he said slowly. "I'm Faith the Vampire Slayer. I did a lot of good. I saved a lot of lives."

He'd rehearsed these words so many times. In third person, for Buffy. In second person, for her. He never thought he would have to say them in first person.

"One day I made a terrible mistake and after that day everything went downhill. I didn't want to kill that guy. I was sure he was a vampire and he was trying to kill Buffy. I wanted to protect her, because she is my sister slayer. I was horrified when I realized that the guy was human. I didn't want to die in the Council's dungeons so I became a fugitive. But, given a chance..."

She slapped him so hard that his ear started ringing.

"Screw you! You can't trick me, Xander! You - not me, you! - love death and misery! You came with me to this crappy motel, of your own free will, even though I'd tried to kill you once before."

"Because I love you!"

She dropped her knife and recoiled from him like he was suddenly red hot.

"What?"

He bit his lip and looked away. For a few interminable moments Faith stared at him incredulously. Then she laughed.

"You don't love me, Xanny-boy. You love your oh-so-sweet and noble Buffy. And - your boring, useless life. You're pathetic. You always have been. That first time, a year ago, when when you'd been driving around Sunnydale in your stupid shiny car, you were so ridiculous and awkward... And - and I was a complete fool when I... I mean I only needed you to help me with a dislocated shoulder..."

She sprang from the bed and flung him his clothes. "Get dressed and get out!"

"Faith..."

"Shut up!"

"... just tell me what I should do."

She shot him an angry glance. "Get away from here before I change my mind and kill you."

Desperate, he watched her putting on her trademark armor of black leather and red lipstick. "No, I mean - what I can do to help you."

"Now, look at Mother Teresa." He couldn't see her face - she'd turned away. "You can't help me. Nobody can help me."

"What are you going to do?"

"None of your bees-wax."

"Faith, listen..."

"No, you listen. What are you prepared to do? Fight your goodie-two-shoes Buffy for me? Betray your precious friends? Kill people? Die for me? Die with me?"

She was so gorgeous when she was vehement. Xander slowly pulled on his jeans, playing for time. "I could talk to Giles. I - we - could come up with, um, a mission or some kind of redemption for you. Something apocalypse-preventing..." God, he sounded so lame.

Faith chuckled softly, sadly.

"Grow up, Xander, okay?"

He knew he was losing her forever, but in his heart of hearts he hoped - fervently, desperately - she'd change her mind and stay. They'd go to Giles and make some kind of pact with the Watchers' Council and Faith would do something utterly heroic and she would be redeemed, become one of them, wouldn't be his dirty little secret anymore...

In the doorway she lingered a bit.

"Cheer up, baby. It was a good lay and a wicked cool game."

Suddenly, he felt so small and helpless.

"It isn't a game," he whispered.

But she was already gone.

... He wakes up in his new apartment, his pillow wet with sweat, his sheets wet with spunk, his body aching. The warm shower doesn't help - he still feels like shit. He quickly switches the water from hot to cold and back several times. It's a very sadistic and very effective way to wake himself up. To chase away his nightmares, his memories, his past. Because he has to take care of the present.

His reflection in the mirror looks at him with silent reproach.

He makes himself a cup of a very strong coffee, and then he calls Willow. 


	3. Chapter 3

chapter 3

"Apocalypse in November? The timetable up there is seriously screwed!"

They sit at the corner table. It's late, the coffee shop is almost empty, they aren't in danger of being overheard. Willow smiles at Xander's joke, but her smile is uneasy. Xander sees that she is genuinely upset, and hesitates, not sure if he should ask her to check Faith's records again and find out details.

This morning, Willow told him she would be very busy all day with research Giles commissioned her, and they arranged to meet at the dorm in the evening. For eight interminable hours he walked through the motions at his construction site. (When you look at a brick and can't see anything but a pregnant girl in a prison robe, it's disturbing.) Miraculously, he didn't end up in a foundation ditch, or under an excavator track. He cut work five minutes ahead of schedule and ran all the way to the dorm, where he found Willow immersed in magic books and dictionaries. It took all his willpower to tell her he could come back later. Thankfully she assured him she wanted to take a break, so they went to a coffee shop.

"So - it's serious business, Will?"

She sips her cappuccino slowly, holding her cup with both hands. The longer she is silent the more worried Xander gets.

"I don't know," she says finally. "There are definitely eschatological allusions in the scrolls, but they're too obscure and incomprehensible. Something about realities bleeding into one another, order overthrown and the universe tumbling into chaos and darkness... "

"Wait-wait-wait. What scrolls?"

She puts her cup down and Xander notices that her hands are trembling slightly. "Buffy asked me and Giles to investigate a murder - remember? A monk. He tried to tell her something before his death. We checked - he came here all the way from Europe. Their monastery is the headquarters of an order of Levantines."

"Are these guys evil?"

Willow shrugs. "Who knows? Of course, they position themselves as good guys. But they're so secretive. Their order appeared at the dawn of civilization, fought against invasions from other dimensions blah-blah-blah... got militarized under Roman and Byzantium empires, took part in Crusades and eventually settled in Bohemia. Some of their scrolls were stolen. Recently they emerged on eBay. Giles thinks it might be important. I promised to find out everything I can. But..."

She hesitates. Xander covers her hand with his.

"You can tell me."

"I'm using spells to decode them," she whispers guiltily. "Giles thinks I use too much magic. He thinks it's dangerous. I try to avoid it but... Yesterday he asked me to hack a high security server. How could I do it without magic?"

"But you didn't tell him?"

"I was afraid he'd get mad at me again." Off Xander's frown of displeasure she shrugs. "Don't, Xan. I know he's right. Magic takes too much energy. My head's still hurting a bit after yesterday's break-in. Usually Tara anchors me, but she's gone away for several days and I feel a bit lost without her."

Willow takes her cup again. "Did you know that Faith is pregnant?" she asks matter-of-factly.

Xander chokes on his coffee. Willow pats him on the back sympathetically.

"I was surprised, too," she says.

He coughs, then slowly wipes his lips playing for time. As soon as she talks with Giles she'll find out that he already knew. He has to find an explanation of his reaction, pronto.

Willow holds him out a tissue. "I wonder why Giles was checking up on Faith," she says and looks at him enquiringly. He wonders how much she knows and how much she suspects.

"How did you find out?" he asks. "You left the Magic Box before Giles found her records". He can't bring himself to say Faith's name aloud.

Willow looks at him suspiciously and frowns. "You know?"

He crumples his tissue nervously. Damn, he shouldn't look away. "Yes, I know about... about her condition. I was there when Giles was checking her file. But I didn't think he told you. Yet you know. How did you find out?"

Willow tenses. "It was Giles who sent you to talk to me?"

Xander is astonished. "What? No, Will! I swear it has nothing to do with Giles! He didn't want me to know either - I just happened to be there, when he..." He can't figure out how to say it without mentioning, you know, the name.

"I'm so tired, Xander," Willow says suddenly. "I couldn't imagine I'd feel so lonely without Tara. Nobody talks to me anymore. Giles is busy with this Faith thing. Buffy has her own share of problems. Since her mom got sick she's living at home and I hardly see her. She's either at the hospital or patrolling with Spike."

He wants to hug her and tell her that she is and always will be his best friend and he will always love her and will never keep anything from her... except he is. The way Willow frowned when she said "this Faith thing" made it crystal clear. Two years ago Willow had been aghast at him having sex with Faith - and that was before she had become their enemy. He doesn't even try to imagine how horrified Willow would be if she found out that he had had sex with Faith after she had tried to kill them. Willow would see it as a betrayal.

Except he only wanted to help somebody who was lost and desperate. If he had found the right words Faith could have stopped running and eventually redeemed herself. It's his fault that she is where she is.

He hates to admit it, but his own private apocalypse troubles him more than the new global threat that's looming vaguely on the horizon.

Willow purses up her lips. "I may be paranoid but I think Buffy is keeping something from me."

Xander stares into his cup. Is it possible that Buffy knows about what happened between him and Faith? Buffy went to Los-Angeles several times. Could she have met Faith there? Could Faith have boasted to Buffy about their encounter? No. Impossible. Buffy would never talk to Faith. Not to mention that Buffy would never talk to him if she found out about him and Faith. Whatever Buffy is hiding from them, it isn't about Faith.

"...You don't talk to me, either," Willow says. She waves her palm in front of his eyes. "Hello - Earth to Xander."

Her voice snaps him out of his reverie and he smiles guiltily.

"Sorry, Will. I just..."

"You don't even listen."

"I do! You were talking about... about Buffy. Have you seen her lately?"

Willow nods. "I went to the hospital today. Buffy's mom had a CAT scan and her doctor said she needed an operation. Buffy was nervous about it. I asked her if we could hang out tonight but she said she would be patrolling with Spike."

Xander frowns. "She's been patrolling with him so often lately."

Willow shrugs. "Buffy says she doesn't want to risk our lives and Spike is expendable."

"As long as he doesn't try anything new."

"I don't think he would. He's been so helpful lately."

"For money, Will, he does that for money. Buffy is paying him for help. He's helping himself get rich. Do you really think you can trust a killer?"

He starts to regret his words even before he's done saying them. Willow shakes her head. "I don't know. I like to believe that people can change for the better."

"Yeah, but is Spike actually people?"

She gives him a conciliatory smile. "At least we know he's got that chip in his head, right?"

He sighs. They hadn't known about chips when Jesse got turned. Vampires were enemies, subject to slayage. "Have you noticed how gray the world's getting? Spike with his chip, Giles with his Council dealings..."

"Uh-huh. Me with my magic stuff, Buffy with her secrets. Sometimes I want to ask her, but... I feel like the answer is staring me in the face but I can't see it." Willow shakes her head. "Xan, you're the only one of us who's squeaky-clean!"

He grins awkwardly. She promises to keep him in the loop and he promises not to tell Giles about her magic thing. He doesn't ask her to check Faith's records. You can't trust a killer and you absolutely can't care about one.

Back at home he ponders briefly if he should call Cordelia in LA and ask her if she has heard anything about it. Giles must've called Wesley and told him about this Faith thing. Wesley could have discussed it with Angel, and Cordy could have overheard them. Or maybe she was there when Giles called and she heard something. And maybe she wouldn't mind sharing it with her ex-boyfriend. The ex-boyfriend who didn't call her once after she left for Los-Angeles. Not to mention that it's wrong to disclose confidential information your boss is keeping secret...

He is already dialing Cordelia's number when he thinks of that last bit. Nobody answers. Wrong number? He tries again. Same result.

As he hangs up he realizes that he has only one option. He has to visit Faith.

Next: chapter 4 - In Which Xander Discovers The Sitch Is More Screwed-up Than He Thought 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - In Which Xander Discovers the Sitch Is More Screwed-up Than He Thought

The road to Stockton is uneventful. Xander changes radio station every time they play a love ballad. Music brings up too many memories. He can't allow himself the luxury of these memories - of her implacable, sad eyes, her smooth, silky skin, her luscious breasts, her talented hands that know all the right places to touch... He has to have a clear head.

He runs different scenarios in his head again and again. Maybe the pregnancy mellowed her and she will be glad to see him. Maybe she's even more embittered and angry than the last time he saw her and she won't even read his note.

His note. He spent all evening on it. He wasted half a notebook on half-finished drafts. And all he came up with is this:

"Faith,

Please, read this, don't just throw it away. I'm writing as your friend. I want to help you and your baby. I will do anything you need. Just tell me. Could we talk? I have so much to tell you. I love you. I tried not to, but I can't. I can't stop thinking about you. Don't get me wrong - I'm not asking for anything. Just let me help. Any which way I can.

Xander."

The prison looks like a special kind of hell, he decides, as he parks his car and slowly goes to the gates. He braces himself. He's ready for her hostility, mocking, contempt, hate. He's ready for tears, swearing, insults, laments.

But the actual events catch him completely off-guard.

When he says Faith Lehane's name in the visiting room of the prison, he is met with curious looks. A guard asks his name and, after checking his ID, leads him into a small room where he is told to wait. The guard leaves before Xander has time to ask him anything.

The bars on the windows are dirty and depressing, just like the room itself. He stares at the ugly empty chairs. After several interminable minutes, he tries the door. It's locked. Blind panic sweeps him - he desperately fights the urge to pound on the door with both fists. He hears voices in the corridor and hastily plops into the chair.

"Mr. Harris?"

There are two of them - one in civvies, one in a doctor's scrubs. They introduce themselves. The civilian says he's a prison counselor - "...And you are?"

"I'm the father of Ms. Lehane's baby." There, he said it aloud. "Can I see her?"

The counselor and the doctor exchange looks.

"Why are you here?" asks the counselor.

Xander tenses. "Beg pardon?"

"Your pregnant girlfriend was transferred here five months ago. You never visited her. Why now?"

Suddenly, Xander feels uneasy. There is something they're not telling him.

"I didn't know she was pregnant until the day before yesterday," he says curtly. "Can I see her?"

They exchange looks again.

"May I ask how you discovered that your girlfriend was pregnant?" the doctor says.

He has to think quickly. "A friend... actually, a friend of a friend. He saw her when she was transferred here. He noticed - but he wasn't sure about her condition."

The civilian gives him a piercing gaze.

"Did I get it right? Five months ago somebody you know noticed that Lehane could be pregnant. But he didn't tell you until now, right?"

He feels trapped. Are they interrogating him? What the hell is happening? He strains every nerve to look calm. "No. Actually, I haven't seen that man in ages. He told my friend. My friend told me. I came as soon as I could."

"The man who told your friend - what's his name?"

Xander looks at the counselor sharply. "Is this an interrogation?"

"His name is Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, isn't it?"

Xander has a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Something is horribly wrong. He glances back and forth between their faces trying to figure it out. They look concerned. The counselor frowns at him with barely hidden dislike; the doctor pinches the bridge of his nose and looks away.

"What the..." Xander whispers hoarsely. "Is she okay? Is she... is she alive?"

The next ten seconds are the longest ten seconds in his life. Xander feels shivers running down his spine. Finally the civilian nods to the doctor almost imperceptibly.

"She's alive," doctor says. "She's safe."

Relief floods him. "Thank you."

The doctor looks at the counselor questioningly. The latter shrugs.

"Last night there was an attempt on Lehane's life," doctor says.

Xander draws a sharp breath. He isn't sure he heard correctly.

The counselor eyes him narrowly. "Do you have any idea who would want her dead?"

Xander shakes his head. He does have an idea, of course. Council goons.

"Had your girlfriend been a member of some illegal religious sect?"

He is at a loss. "What do you mean - a sect?"

"The people who tried to kill her - they wore weird clothes, not unlike monks' habits," the doctor says. "Rings a bell?"

Monks. Giles and Willow are investigating the murder of a monk. "She never talked about monks," he says. At least he's not lying.

"They were not monks," the doctor says patiently. "Actually I'm not sure what they were. Weird little creatures with black eyes and..."

The counselor clears his throat loudly. The doctor shuts up mid-sentence. "Never mind," he murmurs.

Xander feels sick. "How..." His voice sounds hollow. "How could they get to her?"

"Good question. How could they," the counselor makes air-quotes around "they", "get to her. Why would they attempt to kill her now, when she's about to give birth. Why she is afraid to see anyone. Your buddy Wyndam-Pryce came several times - he was quite insistent, but she refused to see him."

"She isn't afraid." Xander stares through him. "She doesn't want his pity. Her stupid pride won't let her take help from anybody. In her book sympathy's an insult."

"You owe me a beer," the doctor says to the counselor. The latter frowns.

"How long have you known her?" he asks.

"Two years. Listen, I swear I don't know anything about any sect, just let me talk to her, please."

The doctor gives him a sympathetic look. "I'm afraid it's not possible. Lehane is in intensive care and she hasn't regained conscience yet."

Xander leaps to his feet. "Intensive care? Did she?.. Is the baby okay?" He realizes that he's shouting. "Sorry," he murmurs. "Could you tell me what happened here?"

The doctor sighs. "I'll tell him," he says to the counselor. He doesn't ask his permission - he just tells him. The counselor shrugs again, and the doctor tells that recently Faith was transferred to the hospital ward because she's due to give birth; that last night a nurse heard suspicious noises, called guards and they discovered two dead bodies and Faith, unconscious, bleeding, wounded in the chest. Thankfully the baby wasn't hurt. Right now Faith is in a stable condition but she is sedated.

"Whoever trained Lehane to fight, trained her well," the counselor adds sourly. "These guys had knives. I wish I could see how a heavily pregnant woman, who was apparently asleep when they attacked her, managed to deal with them."

"Maternal instinct," the doctor says without much conviction.

"Maternal my ass," the counselor grumbles.

"Your ass is quite an argument."

"Uh-huh. You know, your ability to go for the easiest explanation never ceases to amaze me."

"Saves a lot of trouble."

"Sure. Maternal instinct is stronger than big sharp knives. This guy," the counselor points at Xander, "finds out Lehane is pregnant and the next day she's attacked - but of course it's just a coincidence."

Xander is aghast. They think he tried to kill her?

"I didn't say you were planning to kill Lehane, young man," the counselor says off his glare. "But I don't believe in coincidences."

"Do you want to talk to her about the child's custody?" the doctor asks Xander. He pointedly ignores the counselor's conspiracy theories.

Custody? A wave of heat rushes through Xander's body. The idea is as unexpected as it is wonderful. He will have something he and Faith did together. He'll bring up their baby and when Faith will get out of the prison, who knows? She may want to join them...

"I - I can apply for a custody? Really?"

The doctor nods. "If she agrees, of course. You're not married, so legally you don't have any rights unless she officially names you the father. Come tomorrow, I'll take you to her."

"It's a violation of the rules," the counselor says softly.

"Report me if it makes you feel better."

They exchange vague grins. Apparently, it's an inside joke Xander doesn't get.

On the way back to Sunnydale he finds a radio station that broadcasts rock-music. He listens to guitar riffs and it takes him a lot of effort to not exceed the speed limit. Somebody tried to kill her. Somebody. Somebody doesn't know it yet, but they're in big trouble.

But he has to plan thoroughly, and act cautiously.

Next: chapter 5 - Under Suspicion: A Whodunnit Intermezzo 


	5. Chapter 5

"Could you check Giles' phone accounts?"

Willow looks at him like he had grown a third eye on his forehead.

"What happened, Xander?"

"I have to know if he called the Council yesterday. It's very important, Will. Can you do it?"

Willow is clearly confused: Xander has just pulled her out of the lecture room into the hall while the other students glared at them, shocked by his intrusion. Her pen and a notebook still in her hands, Willow looks at him with concern. "Theoretically - yes, I can. But why do you..."

"Somebody tried to kill Faith."

Willow blinks. "Oh."

Xander shifts from foot to foot. "Don't you get it? As soon as we found out that she was pregnant, somebody tried to kill her. It's not a coincidence."

"You think it was the Council's wetwork team?"

He shrugs. "The guys who tried to kill her - they were demons. Doesn't look like the Council's style, but we don't know much about the Council."

"So you think that, if Giles hadn't called them, they wouldn't know." She thinks it over. "If we knew what kind of demons..."

"Little creatures with black eyes. I haven't seen them - I only know what the guys in the prison told me. Not that they were talkative, but I managed... What?"

Willow eyes him curiously. "You went there?"

Oops. He blushes furiously. "You know, Will, I just happened to be nearby on business, so..." Lame.

"You went to see Faith?" Apparently, the answer is written on his face in bold letters because Willow eyes widen. "Do you... No."

He tries to come up with something - funny, indignant, distracting - but his mind is empty.

"So, you still care about her," Willow says bitterly.

"I try not to..." Lameazoid lame.

"Do you love her?" she asks after a painful pause.

He gives her a pleading glance.

"Oh, God," she breathes.

He wishes the earth could swallow him up.

Then Willow hugs him, leans against his shoulder and gently pats him on his back. "I guess I always knew." She sighs. "I remember the day you changed. That sadness in you - it was because of her, right?" She chuckles softly. "I used to blame myself for being too busy with college, with Tara. For being a bad friend."

He feels a lump in his throat. It's too much to take in. All these months that he kept his secret - he could have confided in Willow and she'd have been there for him. How could he have doubted her? His loyal, selfless Willow.

She shouldn't forgive him so quickly and effortlessly. This isn't right. "You should turn me into a toad. I totally deserve it."

"Okay - I will. When it's over." Willow eyes him pensively. "Xan - I can hack the phone company, but maybe we should just ask Giles? I think you're looking in the wrong place."

He sighs. Maybe she's right. He doesn't know. He only knows that Giles is uneasy around him.

"But Xander, why would the Council want to kill Faith?" Willow insists.

"To create a new Slayer."

Willow nods. "Suppose you're right: but why have they sent demons? Why have they been waiting until now?"

"I don't know," Xander admits. "But I'll find out. I have to help her, Will - after all, I'm also responsible for..."

Damn. He definitely shouldn't say words.

Willow narrows her eyes. "Responsible for what?"

Should he tell? Given how quickly she forgave him...

Willow elbows him. "Spill."

...They walk to the Magic Box and Xander tells her what happened on the evening that they'd discovered that Faith had escaped from the hospital. Willow already is in her research mode: she ponders on the Council's possible motivations, the types of demons who usually work as assassins-for-hire, probable ways of leakage - and he's almost happy. It's so liberating, to have a friend you can share your problems with.

"Xander, I have to know one thing." Willow stops walking and eyes him intensely. "Swear you'll tell me the truth."

"Sure. I swear." He doesn't like the tone of her voice.

"That night when Faith escaped. You left us when the Council people asked to help them in the search. You went to warn her?"

"What?!"

"The truth, Xander."

"I didn't… that's not why I left. I just couldn't stand watching Spike sniffing her bed like a vampire tracker dog."

Willow crosses her arms on her chest. "You left because of that?"

Xander backs a step, nervous. "Yeah?"

"You know, there's nothing wrong with Spike sniffing Faith's bed." She winces. "That sounded wrong, but - you know - he only did that to track her down."

"But why use Spike? You could have done your locator spell thingie. It was just Buffy sending another vampire after her. Using a vampire against a slayer." He notices Willow's cringe, and curses himself inwardly.

Willow shakes her head. "Xander…"

"Look, I tried to get her on board, make her see that she can redeem herself…"

"Wait-wait-wait. How come you found her?"

He looks away. That night his feet led him to the children's playground in the park where he had saved Faith from a demon almost two years ago. "I think she found me. I was walking and - you know - just felt her. So, I called her and she came out from behind the corner."

Willow eyes him curiously. "You do remember that she tried to kill you, don't you?"

He lowers his head. Maybe Faith was right and he really does love death and misery?

Willow sighs. "Sometimes I wonder if men are able to appreciate a kind, supportive woman - at all. Thank God I have Tara." She smiles wistfully. "You know, it's so strange - you think you know someone. What he is, what he wants. And then it turns out you don't know him at all. Turns out he was leading a double life. He was secretly dating somebody who tried to kill us. Had an affair with her behind our backs, all this time."

At first he doesn't understand, and then he rolls his eyes. "We weren't dating, Will. Honestly. We met that one time, and that was all."

She looks at him accusingly. "Who do you think I am? An idiot?"

He doesn't know if he should laugh or cry. "Willow, I swear! Cross my heart and hope to die. This was the first and the last time I saw her since the day she tried to kill me. If you don't believe it, put a truth spell on me."

She is at a loss. "Then how can you be so sure the baby's yours?"

Strangely, it never occurred to him. He ponders on the idea a bit. He can't explain why he's sure. He just is. He knows. What he doesn't know is how to explain his conviction to Willow. "I feel it. Have you ever had a feeling that you're right even though you can't prove it?"

Her mouth twitches. "I even know what they call that feeling. Faith."

Touché.

She resumes walking, Xander trailing after her. "Don't tell Giles about me," he pleads when they're near Magic Box. "He acts weirdly every time he sees me. I have to be sure it isn't him who's behind all this. Please."

Willow's jaw drops. "Xan, do you really suspect Giles? Come on, it's ridiculous."

"I know. But as soon as he found out about Faith, someone tried to kill her."

"A coincidence."

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"But you can't suspect everybody! What about me, then? What about Buffy? I told her about Faith's pregnancy."

Xander is stunned. "Buffy knows?"

Willow nods. "Don't worry. She hardly even noticed. I told her when I saw her at the hospital. Her mother's doctor had just told her the results of the CAT scans, so Faith was the least of her worries."

He is ashamed. "How's Joyce?"

"She's having an operation tomorrow."

"And Buffy?"

Willow shrugs. "The usual. She says she's OK. I know she's lying, she knows I know, etc." She stops at the entrance of Magic Shop. "Here's what we'll do, Xan. I won't tell Giles about you. I'll tell him it was my initiative to investigate. Just play along."

Next: chapter 6 - In Which Willow Proves That Lies By Omission Are The Most Effective Ones


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 - In Which Willow Proves That Lies By Omission Are The Most Effective Ones

Giles is truly concerned. Shocked, even. Xander watches him closely, but Giles' reaction seems genuine. He immediately calls Los-Angeles but gets no answer. He leaves a voice mail: "This is Rupert Giles, please call me in the Magic Box," and hangs up. "There is nobody there. Last time I talked to Wesley he told me that Angel was closing his business, so..."

Xander can see that Giles' initial shock is turning into his usual "research the threat, find the threat's soft spot, deal with the threat" attitude.

"Does Buffy know?" Giles asks.

"She knows that Faith is pregnant, but she doesn't know about the assault yet," Willow replies. "I just found out and haven't had time to tell her."

"Wait. How did you find out about it? How did you find out about Faith in the first place?"

Here we go. Xander knows that once Giles starts asking questions, he's busted.

Willow grins. "Internet Explorer has a "history" option. Press "control" and click "H". The program displays the pages that you've been looking at."

Giles looks so embarrassed that Xander pities him.

"Once I found out about the assault, I asked Xander help me to investigate," Willow continues smoothly. "He went there and told the guards that he was the father of Faith's baby. They believed him and told him a pretty interesting story..."

Xander is squirming under Giles' inquisitive gaze. Willow's lies are too close to the truth, and he's getting uncomfortable listening to them. He knows that lying by omission is more effective than just making things up, but everything inside him revolts against the way Willow is weaving her story.

Giles shakes his head disapprovingly. "Do you understand how risky it was? What if the real father had already visited her? What if they remembered his face?"

"Well, I was lucky, wasn't I?" Xander snaps. "I found out that the only person who had visited her was Wesley. But she refused to see him. I also found out that the guys who assaulted her last night were demons."

"Demons. I can't believe how imprudent you've been. But why didn't you tell me that you were going to visit Faith? We could have gone there together, it would have been less risky."

"I asked him not to," Willow says without batting an eye.

"What?" Giles exclaims. Xander is momentarily forgotten.

"I asked him not to tell anybody," Willow says calmly. "I couldn't dismiss the possibility that it was the Council who did it."

Giles is bewildered. "But why did you investigate it in the first place? The less we meddle with the Council's business the better."

Xander can see that Willow's mind is racing. "I'll tell you everything," she says slowly. "But first I need to know one thing: have you told the Council about Faith's baby? Please, Giles. It's very important."

Giles shakes his head. "No. I didn't."

"Have you told Wesley?" Xander asks.

"I have tried to reach Wesley two days in a row, but their phone is dead, as you might have noticed. And now that I've answered your very important question, could you please, explain what is happening here? Why have you started a dangerous investigation on your own, Willow?"

Xander's heart sinks.

"Because you asked me to," Willow says.

"I did no such thing!"

"You asked me to work with the Levantine scrolls."

"I asked you to decode them, not to..." Giles is clearly confused. "Wait. How are the scrolls related to Faith's pregnancy?"

Willow looks Giles in the eye.

"I don't know exactly," she says slowly. "But they are related. One of the scrolls has a list of recently fallen Levantine warriors who took part in the prevention of an apocalypse. One of them was a woman. A British woman. Her name was Diana Dormer."

Willow falls silent. Apparently she thinks it's a good explanation. Apparently, Giles doesn't think so. He frowns and looks at Willow questioningly.

"She was Faith's first watcher," she explains. "She was killed by Kakistos in 1998."

It takes Giles several seconds to digest the news. He looks worried. "I hope you didn't try to hack into the Council's site. Their firewall spells could burn you alive."

"No, I didn't," Willow says and Giles sighs in relief. "But I think it wasn't a coincidence that one of these monks came here and was killed. I think he wanted to warn us about something. Something very important."

Giles rubs the bridge of his nose. Xander can see that he's hesitating.

"Maybe," Giles says finally. "Maybe the monk knew something. Maybe it was connected to the Faith situation. But you're wrong about The Council. They aren't interested in killing Faith. I know that much."

"Corporate solidarity," Xander murmurs.

Giles glares at him. "I can assure you that you're wrong. The Council were trying to cooperate with Faith before she gave herself up to the police. As soon as she started slaying in Los-Angeles, the Council's stock started rising so quickly that they figured out they'd better take her back. They tried to contact her, but she avoided them, so they were following her activities from a distance and trying to find a way to..."

Xander is so shocked he can't speak. His heart is suddenly pounding so loudly that he's scared everyone will notice. So, Faith followed his advice, after all?

"Wait-wait-wait," Willow murmurs. "How come we didn't know about it? Why didn't you tell us, Giles?"

"I only found out today. Faith didn't advertise her activities and The Council has classified her file. I had to use my old contacts..."

Giles tells them about an old friend of his, a watcher who "wrote a thesis on our mutual acquaintance". Xander doesn't even think about the weirdness of Giles' contact; he's putting too much effort into keeping a poker face.

"Lydia told me that the first reports of a girl slaying vampires and demons in Los-Angeles started to come at the beginning of spring," Giles continues. "Initially nobody in the Council paid serious attention to them. Then she killed archduke Sebassis who was considered unkillable. Officially he died from a stroke, but every demon in LA knew who gave him that stroke. The Association of Non-Human Species and The Fellowship of Differently Animated Plasmavores sent ambassadors to London and offered the Council a truce and their cooperation. Travers started negotiations with them and ordered his operatives to find Faith and offer her the Council's forgiveness. Several days later his people ended up in hospital. Apparently Faith told them she was fed up with the Council and the only way to make it right was to work alone..."

Xander turns away. If only he'd known. He would have gone to Los-Angeles, found her, helped her... If he'd only known.

Thankfully, Giles isn't paying much attention to him. "...as you see, Faith has got a lot of enemies here in California - enemies who would be happy to see her dead. The last big player she killed before giving herself up to the police was one Cyvus Vail, a powerful wizard who had quite a number of connections and minions..."

Xander straightens his shoulders and takes a deep breath. "We have to help her." Saying it aloud feels like diving in cold water. It's refreshing.

Giles shakes his head. "I don't think she'll agree to accept our help. Like I said, the Council..."

But Willow has already put her resolve face on. "We have to try, Giles."

"I'll go see her tomorrow," Xander hears himself saying. "Her doctor promised to let me see her. I have more chance of convincing her than the Council's men."

Giles studies him closely. "You do care about her."

Xander nods.

"Of course we care," Willow says hastily. "We don't know anything about that conspiracy against her. We have to find out more about it. It could be really dangerous. Um, Giles - there is something else I have to tell you about the scrolls. I did a revealing spell to decode them..."

Giles frowns. His displeasure with Willow's magic abuse is written on his face, but he is too tired and overwhelmed with the news to give her a good talking-to. So, after a requisite warning about danger of strong spells Giles says he will try to contact Travers and talk to him about their chances of getting Faith out of jail - but, of course, the chances are slim. They also agree that tomorrow Willow will bring Buffy up to date and Xander will visit Faith and try to find out more about the assault.

"...You were brilliant," Xander says to Willow as they walk to her dorm. "You saved my sorry ass."

Willow sighs. "I hate lying. I don't know what happened to me today. I wouldn't do it if it weren't for you." She elbows him. "It's all your fault."

Obviously he's looking totally miserable, because she chuckles and hugs him. "I'm kidding, dummy."

"I'm a coward. Okay, maybe I shouldn't tell Giles, until we know for sure that The Council isn't involved. But I should have told Anya. Except I'm so terrified I can't make myself call her. And now I'm dragging you into this mess."

"Don't blame yourself for what I did. After all, I didn't lie. I said you said you're the father of Faith's baby. I just didn't say it was the truth."

"Uh-huh." He forces a wry smile. "And that Diana what's-her-name? Great idea."

Willow tenses. "Um, Xan... I didn't have time to tell you before we talked to Giles. I wanted to - honest! - but you've got me distracted..."

A pang of fear slowly uncoils in the pit of his stomach. "Willow. What is it?"

"I didn't make it up. The name of Faith's first watcher is there in the scrolls. Diana Dormer was a member of the Levantine order."

Next: chapter 7 - In Which Our Heroes Finally Meet


	7. Chapter 7

When he enters the hospital room, she is asleep. There are dark circles under her eyes, her face is pale and thin, her features relaxed and peaceful, her hands curved over her stomach. Xander can't take his eyes off her. Her huge belly makes her look particularly small and fragile and... Xander desperately searches for the right word. She's like those women in really old paintings, with streaming hair, in streaming garments with endless folders flowing... sublime? Yes, that's the word. Sublime.

It's so strange to see her still. She has always been so full of energy - dancing, fighting, making love, making death.

The doctor demonstratively turns away and starts fiddling with the monitors. Xander tentatively taps him on the shoulder. "Could you leave us alone for a minute?" he whispers. He knows he's getting on the doctor's nerves.

The doctor shakes his head. Then he nods in Faith's direction. As Xander turns towards her he sees that she's awake, eyeing him suspiciously. She isn't hugging her belly anymore. Her hands, clenched in fists, lie along her body.

"What is he doing here?" Her voice is hoarse and hostile. "Who the hell let him in?"

The doctor regards her with mild curiosity. "I thought you would appreciate a chance to sort it out with your boyfriend, Lehane."

Her eyes flash with open hatred. "He is not my boyfriend. I hardly know him."

"Sure. That's why he almost fainted when he heard about the assault." The doctor looks at his watch. The gesture is unequivocal. Xander knows he doesn't have much time.

"Um, Faith..."

She stares at the ceiling.

"Faith, there's something we have to do... Right now our friends are trying to find a way to get you out on parole. But if they fail... I want you to let me take our baby. To raise him while you're in prison." He feels utterly stupid because she's refusing to look at him. "All you have to do is to name me baby's father. I'll write down my full name, Alexander LaVelle Harris..."

Her laugh drips with contempt. "Doc, just look at this schmo. He thinks he's the father. He thinks he's the only body I screwed." She tries a cruel expression that fails once her lips wobble.

Xander blinks, fighting a tightness in his throat. "Faith..."

"Shut up. This," she points at her bulge as at a separate object, "has nothing to do with me. Just a temporary inconvenience. In a few days this thing comes out of me and I stop being a beached whale. And - it has nothing to do with you. Understood?"

He shakes his head. The lady doth protest too much.

The doctor gives them a quick glance. "There's a thing called DNA analysis. Pretty expensive, but I think I could organize an official request for a free test on behalf of..."

"You fucking sneaking faggot!" Faith screeches. Her outburst is so sudden that he flinches. She tries to lever herself up and winces in pain. "I'll tell everybody about you and your fuck buddy who's always lecturing me! I'll tell everybody what you two do in the staffroom! You'll get chucked out of here in under 24 hours!"

"Sorry to disappoint you, Lehane, but everybody knows," the doctor says coldly. "We've both worked here for 15 years. Do you really think nobody's noticed? Actually, they're happy to have somebody who can't be seduced by your charms." He smirks. "Of course, everybody pretends they're clueless, but that's the name of our game."

"Screw you," Faith says, resigned.

"You're not my style, Lehane. If you don't have any pity for yourself, at least spare the people who love you. Spare your child."

She snorts. "What do you think I'm doing, idiot? Somebody else takes the kid - it gets a chance for a normal life."

The doctor gives Xander the once-over. "Your boyfriend looks normal enough. A bit on a wimpy side..."

"Hey!" Xander protests feebly.

"...but, overall, a pretty good option. I'd take my chances on him." He sounds unexpectedly flirty. Xander blushes.

"I told you he's not my boyfriend," she says stubbornly. "It was just one quickie. Sometimes a girl just wants a release."

He knows she's provoking him but can't hold himself back. "A release, yeah. You wanted me to kill you in your seppuku-lite gig."

She barks a laugh. "There's reason why they call orgasm a little death, babe. But you were so lame that instead of sticking a knife in me, you managed to put this in." She pats her belly. "Who knew that lameness was an STD?"

No, he shouldn't let her provoke him. An insulting comeback dies on Xander's lips as he tries to remember all the speeches he rehearsed in the car.

"Listen, Faith. I'm not particularly strong, or smart, or whatever you want in a man, but right now I'm all you've got. I promise that our baby will have a normal, happy childhood. I will bring him up to be a good man..."

"Actually, it's a girl", the doctor puts in.

Faith looks at them with hostility. Xander feels the anger bleeding through her every word. "It never occurred to you why white knights only exist in fairy tales? Because in real life bad guys can take their children hostage. Or kill them. Do you really want to know how it feels?"

He drops his gaze, ashamed. Strangely, it hadn't occurred to him that her insults were aimed to protect him and the baby from her life. He thought she was hostile because she hated her dependent state - incarcerated, wounded, heavily pregnant. The revelation hits him hard. He thought he was screwed up, lying to his friends. But compared to Faith' monumental screw-up, his own problems seem ridiculous.

"You want to give our daughter to strangers to protect her."

"Children of inmates are adopted anonymously," the doctor explains. "Foster parents don't know whose child they're adopting."

"But... but we could organize, um, our own anonymity..." Xander looks back at the doctor. "Couldn't we?"

"You think the rest of the world is as stupid as you are?" Faith's voice is dull and bitter. "If you have a death wish, it's your problem, Harris. I won't be helping you. I have enough blood on my hands."

He notices that the doctor's sighing and looking at his watch. Ignoring him, he sits down on the edge of her bed and takes her hand.

"Faith. Listen. You don't have to go through this alone. We'll find a way to protect you and the baby."

She chuckles softly. "We?"

"Yes. Me and my friends."

"Your friends would dance on my grave and celebrate my death with fireworks."

He shakes his head. "You're wrong. Giles is already contacting the Co... our friends in London who want to help. Willow's helping too. She learned a lot of, um, useful stuff - you know, computers and all..."

Her eyes narrow as she listens closely. It occurs to him that she's mostly concerned about Buffy's reaction, so, after a brief hesitation he adds, "Buffy doesn't know yet, but she's a lot of problems, her mother was operated today - thankfully, the operation was successful, so... I'll tell her and I'm sure she'll be on our side." He can see that she's about to say something sarcastic about Buffy so he keeps talking, hastily. "Do you know who assaulted you? Have you recognized them?"

She shrugs and winces in pain. "Never saw them before, but it doesn't mean a thing. A lot of people and non-people in LA were annoyed with me."

He shoots a quick glance at the doctor and says matter-of-factly. "What do you know about the Levantine order?"

She is genuinely puzzled. "The what?"

He notices that the doctor's looking at him with renewed interest. Shit. "Um... the... the computer game, "The Levantine Order" - have you heard of it?"

He feels stupid. Like a fanboy playing a spy game.

She rolls her eyes. "No, Xander," she says. I have never heard of your stupid kiddie gameboy."

"But Diana Dormer did."

She tenses. "What she's got to do with this?"

"Diana did play this game. You know, the one with monks and apocalypses. Did you ever hear anything about it from her?"

The doctor's looking at him oddly. If he asked him to undergo a psychiatric evaluation before granting custody, Xander wouldn't be surprised.

Faith thinks his words over. "She never talked about anything like that. And she would never..." Her voice trails off. "So," she says after a pause. "You think it's our friends in London who are behind it, after all?"

He hates to admit that he's absolutely clueless. "We'll find out," he murmurs.

The doctor looks at his watch again and Xander stands up.

"I'll be back soon," he promises. "Just remember - everything will be okay."

On his way back to Sunnydale he tries not to think about all the movies where such sort of promise turned out to be anything but.

Next: chapter 8 - In Which Xander Confronts Buffy… Sort Of


	8. Chapter 8

"Could anybody explain to me why bringing Faith back to Sunnydale is a good idea? Because I don't get it."

Buffy slowly sips the cup of tea Giles prepared for her. She speaks briskly, but Xander can feel how tense and tired she is. She came to Magic Box for their meeting, even though she's spent two days at the hospital with her mom.

This morning, Willow called Buffy and told her that the Council has given Giles the go-ahead about that Faith business, so they were working on getting her out of jail. According to Willow, Buffy was okay with the news. Xander wasn't there when Willow called her and he can only imagine how Buffy reacted.

"Willow thinks the attack on Faith could be connected to the murder of the monk we're investigating," Giles explains to Buffy. "I'm also inclined to think that it's not a coincidence. Faith was attacked mere hours after we found out about her pregnancy. There is a high probability that the clue to the mystery is hidden here, in Sunnydale. Not to mention that here we can protect her better than she is protected in prison."

Buffy snorts. "Sure, protect. You want to use a pregnant woman as a bait. If you're so concerned about her security why don't you send her to London? Right, guys?" She looks at Xander and Willow, expecting their support.

Xander is so tired of this duplicity. Everybody in the room understands that it's not Faith's safety that's on Buffy's mind, but nobody wants to argue. And nobody can blame Buffy for wanting to send Faith to London. In her situation he wouldn't want to face Faith either, especially after all that happened between them.

The lack of support from Xander and Willow only makes Buffy more insistent. "Seriously, Giles, Faith will be much safer under the Council's supervision. Here, in Sunnydale we can't keep her safe, or give her a normal place to live. Do you remember the motel room those misers from the Council rented for her?"

"She won't be living in a motel," Giles says. "She'll be living in Xander's apartment."

Buffy's jaw drops. Xander can hear his heart beating in the dead silence. Here we go.

"You've gotta be kidding me," Buffy says finally.

He opens his mouth, ready to spill everything, but Willow beats him to it.

"See, Buffy, when I found out about the assault, I asked Xander to talk to Faith," she says quickly. "To get to her he told the prison authorities that he was the father of her child. When she's paroled, a parole officer will be doing regular checks on where she's living. We have to sell them a consistent story."

Buffy frowns. "You couldn't come up with something - I don't know - less icky?"

"What, for example?" Giles counters. "I'm not in the right age group, you know."

That sounds all kinds of wrong, so Buffy doesn't argue. "But it's dangerous for Xander," she murmurs. She sounds genuinely concerned.

"I'm working on the protection spell for his place," Willow says. "As soon as Faith arrives at Casa Xander, I'll do the spell and nobody but us will be able to enter the apartment."

Buffy glares. "Great idea, Will. Only I don't understand how that shiny spell of yours could protect Xander from a psycho who almost killed him last year. Because, you know, she'll be inside the apartment."

Willow blinks perplexedly. Xander's stomach knots. That's it.

"Good point," Giles says unexpectedly. "Willow, remind me to show you how to do the Sanctorum Spell. It's relatively easy to perform and it prevents physical violence in a given area, affecting both demons and humans."

Willow sighs with relief. Buffy throws up her hands in defeat. "Okay. Then Xan gets his requisite share of badness." She smiles him apologetically. "Don't worry, it's temporary. We'll find those killers and I'll slay their asses, and we'll relocate Faith somewhere else."

He hopes his smile looks sincere enough. "Have you noticed other monks during your patrols?" he says to change the topic. "Or you and Spike are too busy with slayer-and-vampire action?"

To his surprise, Buffy looks away and fidgets. "I don't understand why you think there's a connection between our Sunnydale affairs and that assault on Faith. Somebody in Los-Angeles might want Faith's dead. Or her baby. Did you know that LA demons are obsessed with babies?"

He didn't, so Buffy briefs him on her visits to Angel Investigations and how often they deal with demonic schemes to destroy humanity by impregnating women with demon children. Xander nods absentmindedly.

"Has your ex-girlfriend told you how she got knocked up by a demon?"

"She didn't..." It takes him a couple of seconds to realize that Buffy is talking about Cordelia. "Oh. Cordy didn't know he was a demon."

"Exactly. Maybe Faith didn't know who she was sleeping with either. And, since she has a nasty habit of screwing anything that moves, she could get impregnated with an apocalyptic baby in a heartbeat." Buffy shrugs. "Of course, she could have just gotten knocked up by a regular loser who forgot everything the moment he saw her boobs."

Xander turns away. A sarcastic voice in the back of his head asks who he's betraying more - Buffy, by not telling her the truth, or Faith, by letting Buffy say awful things about her. He loathes himself more and more with each passing minute. Why can't he tell them? Now. End this torture right now...

"Um, guys," Willow says tentatively. "Could you please stop talking about Faith's boobs in the presence of a high-strung lesbian witch who's trying to concentrate? Doping an accurate metamorphic spell is tricky stuff."

Buffy knits her brow. "Meta-what?" She sounds irritated, clearly unhappy that Xander and Willow aren't supporting her. Faith isn't here yet - and Buffy's authority is already eroding.

"A metamorphic spell is about changing small things," Willow explains. "Like changing Faith's conviction from second degree murder to involuntary manslaughter and exceeding the limits of self-defense. Changing her jail term from 25 years to 2 years with subsequent pre-term parole for good behavior and special circumstances, namely, pregnancy. The hardest trick is to focus on the documentation of the case in question and not to affect other cases."

Buffy looks skeptical. "You mean the people who work in the jail would believe it? They won't question why Faith's term has changed?"

Willow shrugs. "Of course, there is a risk. A little memory spell wouldn't be excessive - would it, Giles?"

They've obviously had this argument before, and it looks like the debate got very heated. Giles frowns and closes his book with a snap.

"Willow, I thought we already agreed not to go there anymore! Changing memories is incredibly complex. You wouldn't be able to handle it alone, and right now there are no sorcerers in America we could ask for help. The Augure family has relocated from New Orleans to San-Paulo. In Los-Angeles, Cyvus Vail is dead - courtesy of one Faith Lehane..." Giles sighs. "Hopefully everything will work out without the memory spell. My experience taught me that people trust papers and computers much more than they trust their memories."

"I don't like it," Buffy says stubbornly. "Forgery, getting a criminal out of jail..."

"The Council approved these measures..." Giles reminds.

Buffy narrows her eyes. "I wonder what they will say when the psycho lady kills somebody again. Why not? She knows the Council will get her out of trouble."

"Except she is serving her time now," Willow says softly.

"Uh-huh. Several months instead of 20 years. Self-defense instead of murder."

Willow fidgets. "Technically, it was self-defense..."

"Maybe we should give that psychozoid a prize for the most misunderstood hero?"

Something bad and unpleasant rises in Xander's chest.

"She killed that guy because she thought he was a vampire," he snaps. "She was defending you."

He can't believe he said it. Obviously, Buffy can't either. She looks at him like he's grown horns. "You mean it's my fault?"

"Guys, don't," Willow asks.

But Buffy can't stop. "You mean it's my fault that she accused me of the murder she committed? That she defected to the Mayor? That she tried to kill Angel? That she stole my body?"

"I didn't say that!" Xander yells. "Don't put words into my mouth. I'm only saying that she's not as bad as you think!"

"She a criminal!"

"I'm a criminal too! I stole a bazooka at the military base - and you didn't care." It strikes him. "You still keep that bazooka in your basement! Does that make you a criminal as well?"

"Bloody hell! I can't believe I'm in such distinguished company."

Spike is standing in the doorway, smirking nonchalantly.

"Do you really keep a bazooka in your basement, Slayer?" Spike's tongue curls around his teeth. "Do you have any other big phallic-shaped objects there?"

Buffy is fuming, crimson with anger. "Wait for me outside, Spike," she mutters through clenched teeth. "We'll go patrolling as soon as I'm done talking to Xander."

Spike leers. "Your wish is my command, luv. Spike's always ready to service a girl."

"Shut up, Spike," Buffy and Xander say in unison. Both involuntarily smile at their simultaneous reaction.

Buffy sighs guiltily. "I'm sorry, Xan. I don't know what got into me. You know that Faith is my sore spot."

He knows. So he apologizes too, and she leaves patrolling. He feels drained. He finally realizes the scope of the mess he's dragging them all into. He was so close to telling her everything. If Willow wasn't covering his bases, if Spike hadn't arrived...

Giles' piercing gaze is making Xander uncomfortable but he pretends he doesn't notice it as he helps Willow to light the candles for the spell.

"You've got into the role of Faith's boyfriend very well," Giles notes.

"He's our local Marlon Brando," Willow says quickly.

The image of colonel Kurtz, crushed by his own mad schemes, flashes in Xander's mind.

Next: Chapter 9 - "Orpheus Rewrite, Bedroom Version


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

His eyes are closed but he feels warm, comforting fingers playing with his curls and he knows it's her.

"I miss you," he says.

She kisses him, softly, chastely, on his cheek.

"You're so tender," he says. "Why are you so tender tonight?"

Her laugh drips with honey. "It's a dream, stupid. I'm not real." Her tongue trails down his chest. "I'm a figment of your imagination."

"Then why does it feel so real?"

"Because you have too vivid an imagination." She laughs again. "Besides, you like to impersonate me, don't you? Remember our little game that day when I escaped from the hospital? Remember how you were telling me that you were Faith the Vampire Slayer? You were practically drooling."

He opens his eyes. She's sitting on the bed in his apartment, naked and gorgeous. Dim light filters in through the curtains. She smiles at him, and the room immediately brightens. He reaches out and takes her hand.

"I wasn't drooling. Okay, maybe I was, a bit. But mostly I was admiring. You're so beautiful. I never told you how beautiful you are."

"You're telling me now."

"Uh-huh. In my dream. In reality, I've never told you how beautiful you are, how much I love you, how often I dream about..."

She slaps him playfully. "It's not love. It's an unhealthy obsession. You can't have your precious Buffy so you set your sights on me."

"I so did not!" He looks at her curiosly. "Come on, how can you argue with me if you're my imagination?"

She drops his hand and turns away. "Because you're even more screwed-up than me."

"Says who? My imagination?"

"Come on, Xannie-boy. You're a screw-up. You hate your father because he abuses and humiliates your mother. You hate your mother because she indulges him. You go after strong women in hope to break this pattern. You're so afraid to miss your big shiny chance that you miss a lot of good."

He shakes his head vigorously. "You're wrong!"

"You're me and I'm you, remember? I know everything about you." With a swift predatory movement she straddles him. "All these years you knew that Willow loved you. But she was meek and shy and you didn't need to conquer her. One word - and she'd be yours. Boring. So you didn't pay any attention to her until she began dating Oz. And, suddenly, you started torturing yourself with what-ifs. What if she's your soul mate? What if you missed your best chance?"

He realizes that arguing with his own subconscious is stupid. So he just stares at her, drinking her in.

"You were always telling youself that you were attracted to Cordelia because she was unattainable. You never admitted to yourself why you were drawn to her in the first place. You get turned on by fighting. You're the son of your parents, Xander. The more you try to escape them the more they possess you. You were trying to convince yourself that you loved Cordelia because she was a symbol of another life. She was rich, clever and sophisticated. She would never allow a man to abuse her. That's what you told yourself. You were never able to face the truth. You loved to fight with her the way your father loved to fight with your mother."

Her words sting but he doesn't argue. It's useless to argue with your own imagination. It's unexpectedly liberating to talk to himself-as-Faith. If only he could be that gorgeous...

"You'll always pine for Buffy because she'll never sleep with you. But if the hell froze over and she jumped into bed with you, you'd lose interest for her the very next morning. You were intrigued about Spike and enjoyed cock-teasing him with your moist assets, but if he'd really made a pass at you..."

"Let's not go there!"

"Uh-huh. So, bi-curious. Don't blush, hon."

"What about Anya, then?" he enquires.

She shrugs.

"When you lost me you felt like drowning. She happened to be the straw you were clutching at." She ducks her head. "Hey, I'm not boasting. Don't forget I'm you. It's your own mind talking."

His mind races. "But how do you fit the pattern, Faith? I love you because you're strong and sexy and beautiful, and it's perfectly normal for a guy to fall for you. How can you explain that?"

She leans so close that her hot lips almost touch his ear. "You really want to hear it? Okay. You don't love me because I'm strong and sexy and beautiful. You love me because I'm a screw-up and you want to save me. You think you're not worthy of real love, so you want to find somebody to save in the hope that she'll love you for saving her. Typical for a person with an inferiority complex. Admit it, Xander. Deep inside you know you're a loser."

He thinks about what she's saying. He feels strangely serene. Maybe because it's a dream. Maybe because she looks concerned about him.

"A minute ago you had a different theory. You told me that I wanted you as a Buffy substitute."

She grins. "We were warming up. Scratching the surface. And now we're digging deeper. Because you always dreamed about saving Buffy. You even managed to save her once or twice - but you never got her. She wasn't damaged enough to cling to a white knight on a skateboard... What? What are you smiling at?"

He can't believe there is so much shit in his head. But it's so liberating to have a walk down the convolutions of his brain - or swim down the stream of his subconsciousness.

"You know, Miss Imagination, you've helped me. Because I finally realized something important. Now I know why Faith - I mean, real Faith - is so hostile. She thinks I can only love her as long as she needs to be saved. She is so wrong."

"Hey, sitting right here. Why are you talking about me in the third person?"

He removes a stray wisp of hair that hides her face.

"Okay. Not she. You. You're wrong. Because you're saddled with me till the end of days. Unless you get tired of my witty jokes..."

She chuckles softly. "Unless Buffy kills me."

"What? What the hell are you talking... Or, maybe, I'm talking - thinking about. I can't think these awful things about Buffy, can I?"

She raises her brow unequivocally. He shudders. "No. No, you're... I'm wrong. Buffy would never..."

"Except she almost did it once."

"That was different!"

"Yes, it was. She was only saving her boyfriend - who she was perfectly able to save without bleeding me, as it turned out. This time she thinks it's about saving the world. She told you that our baby could bring about the apocalypse."

A minute ago she wasn't pregnant, now her hands are curved over her bump. But of course. Here, in a dream a woman can conveniently get an instant magic baby. As well as a shy, fragile look in this lacy pink nightgown.

"Do you really think she'd hesitate to gut me again? It's a perfect excuse to get rid of," she makes air-quotes, "Faith the Vampire Slayer." The apocalypse will excuse anything."

"It won't happen," he says flatly.

"Oh, really?"

He doesn't like her mocking tone. "It won't happen because she'd have to kill me first. And she'd never do that."

She starts laughing. She falls on the bed next to him, clutches at her belly and laughs so hard that tears stream down her face. "Now, that was priceless," she gasps. "Instead of telling Buffy that the baby is yours and there's nothing apocalyptic about him, you'd rather tell her that she'd better kill you..."

"That was the first thing that came to my mind," he says, pissed off. "Of course, we'll find another way..."

"Don't delude yourself, Xander. You don't have guts to tell her about us. She'll kill me and she'll tell you it had been done in the interests of humanity, and you'll agree. Or maybe she won't even tell you what she's done. You'll find out later that I'm dead. Or disappeared. And you'll pretend that nothing happened. Because you're too afraid to lose her friendship. Because you're nothing without your friends. You'd rather die than tell them..."

"Hey, that's not true! I told Willow!"

"Sure. Loyal, sweet Willow who will always be on your side no matter what. What about Buffy?"

He avoids her gaze. "The time isn't right. She's got a lot of problems of her own."

"Come on. You'd rather let her kill you than tell her you slept with me?"

"But... but..." An idea strikes him. "It's not safe to tell her. Willow says Buffy could be hiding something. She... she's hanging out with a vampire."

"Like she didn't do that before."

"No! This is a different vampire and this is a different hanging out, and... I don't know. Maybe you're right. I'm making up lame excuses because I'm terrified."

She smiles a genuine smile. "Hmmm... looks like you made the first step." She snuggles up to him and strokes his face. "You admitted your fears. That's a biggie."

He grins, drinking in the sight of her - peaceful, sweet, pliant. "I know what I'll do. Tomorrow I'll bring you home. My home - my rules. I won't leave you alone and I won't let anybody hurt you and our baby. We'll make it through. Together."

He aches to touch her belly. He reaches out a hand, but his fingers find void.

Next: chapter 10 - Xander squirms. Xander shoots. Well, he mostly squirms. 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 - Xander Squirms. Xander Shoots. Well, He Mostly Squirms

Soon. He will see her soon.

The wind fans Xander's flushed face. He leans back in the seat of Giles' red convertible and hopes nobody notices how nervous he is. And even if they notice, it's okay, because he has a lot of things to be nervous about. He's never participated in a jailbreak before. Well, technically, it's not a jailbreak in the strict sense of the word, but...

"Just be natural," Willow repeats for the hundredth time. "All the papers are in order and they can't refuse to let her go. If they start asking questions say that they should contact her lawyer and give the number the Council provided. Everything will be all right."

Xander nods automatically. He feels like the car's moving too slowly, like Giles is driving too cautiously, like Willow's distracting him with her talking. Xander clutches the bag with the clothes he bought for her. Black maternity overalls and a white t-shirt. White fabric will hug her chest and belly, and the black fabric will cover the white one. Very symbolic, he muses, as he gazes at the Northern California Women's Facility compound in the distance, getting closer and closer. Soon. He will see her soon.

As the car stops at the parking lot, he mentally repeats his mantra. Be natural. Give the Council phone number if they start asking questions. Oh - and warn Faith that Giles doesn't know who the father of her child is. Hopefully they'll have enough time to talk. Maybe when they're filling in the forms. Or walking from the prison gates to the parking lot.

Everything goes unexpectedly smoothly. He goes through all the formalities like a sleepwalker and then, finally, sees her, walking down the corridor, escorted by the already-familiar doctor. She's holding her stomach possessively but drops her hands as soon as she notices him.

Awkwardly, he gives her the bag. "Your clothes."

She avoids his gaze. Without saying a word she takes the bag and withdraws into the change-room. Doctor gives Xander a quick once-over. "I hope she's worth it," he says matter-of-factly.

Xander can't figure out if "it" means his help or their forgery, so he wisely changes the topic. "How is she, doctor? How's the baby?"

The doctor shrugs. "She made an amazing recovery, but you should be very careful. Avoid stress as much as possible. I'd recommend that you to check into the hospital. She may go into labor at any minute."

Instant panic sweeps through him, but he braces himself, because he hears the door of the change-room open. Faith still doesn't look at him. She nods to the doctor.

"Don't hurt your boyfriend, Lehane," the doctor smiles at Xander. "He looks like a decent guy."

She grins. "You like him? I'll call you if he's ever available."

They walk out of the gates and Faith swaggers to the car. Xander couldn't imagine that a pregnant woman could swagger, but Faith is sauntering, all attitude. She immediately spots Willow and Giles in front of Giles' car. "Oh, a welcome committee. How touching. Where is the chairman?"

"I'm the chairman," Xander says.

"You're a proxy. The chairman will always be Buffy. Where is she? Hiding in the shadows somewhere?"

"I asked her not to come," he says tersely.

Faith laughs derisively as she approaches the car. He suddenly remembers that he has to warn her - but it's too late. Giles steps forward, and nods awkwardly. "Faith."

Willow gives a small wave. "Hi, Faith. You look, um - good, given all that happened to you."

"Yay, let's bond," Faith deadpans.

Giles looks at his watch. "We'd better go if we want to reach Sunnydale before sunset. Help her get in the car... daddy."

Xander freezes in horror. A moment later he realizes that Giles means it in an ironic way and sighs in relief. It takes him another moment to realize that Giles' irony is totally lost on Faith and now she's sure that Giles knows. Shit.

Faith grunts as she makes herself comfortable on the back seat. "I didn't know that the Council had a private prison in Sunnydale." Xander tries to help her, but she pushes him off.

"You will be living at Xander's place," Giles says, starting the ignition. Xander and Willow exchange glances and she quickly takes shotgun. Xander plops down next to Faith, acutely aware of her closeness. She turns away from him. "Great," she mutters. "Just great. A dirty basement is the perfect place to raise a baby."

"Xander got an apartment recently," Giles says. "It's small but pretty comfortable."

"Oh, I'm the luckiest pregnant Slayer on earth. I can't find the proper words to express my gratitude."

"Actually, I think you should be grateful to Xander for his hospitality," Giles says coldly as he steers his car on the highway. "Xander is forgoing his own comfort and peace to help you. He doesn't have to clear up your mess, you know. But he's a decent man who took it upon himself to help you. You should be appreciative."

Xander ducks his head as he desperately tries to come up with anything to stop this train wreck - but his mind is blank.

"Oh, really?" Faith says cheerfully. "Man, why are all men such pricks?"

"Guys, we have to talk about some more urgent stuff," Willow says hastily. "Faith, those creatures that assaulted you - could you describe them in detail? It's important. I have a couple of clues but I need more information."

Faith snorts but complies. She obediently describes her attackers, and Xander slowly relaxes and everything goes smoothly until Willow spots the first horseman in a rearview mirror.

"Giles?"

"I see them," he says and speeds up.

Xander looks back. At first he thinks he's hallucinating. Three... no, four horsemen are galloping after them. They're wearing medieval armor, and carrying swords and crossbows.

"Nearest town is ten miles away," Willow says as she checks the map. Her implication is clear. They pass a deserted place, not a single car in sight. They're an easy target - four people in a convertible.

"Maybe they're already shooting "Gladiator: part deux" and a bunch of extras got lost?" Xander suggests.

"Their weapons are from later period," Giles notes. "Faith, do you know who they are?"

"Never saw these clowns. Never saw "Gladiator" - they don't show that kind of movies in a women's prison... Shit!"

An arrow suddenly slams into the back of Giles' seat. Instinctively Xander grabs Faith's shoulders and brings her down, her head on his lap. Another arrow scratches his arm.

"Xander, duck!" Willow shouts, raises her hand and sends a ball of fire into the nearest horseman.

Faith gasps and clutches at her stomach. Xander hugs her, trying to cover as much as possible. She breathes deeply. "Fuck," she murmurs. "It was like a knife in the gut."

They hear the sound of hoofs approaching and see Willow raising her hand again. Energy streams from her fingertips.

"Hang on, guys!" she warns and shoots another fireball.

Faith wails in pain again and suddenly it strikes Xander.

"Don't, Will," he screams. "Your magic's hurting her!"

"Hold the wheel, Willow," Giles barks. He bends down, snatches a shotgun from under the seat and shoves it into Xander's hands.

"You told me once that you'd kept your military experience from that Halloween spell," he shouts as he grabs the wheel again.

Xander isn't sure if it's his memories or survival instinct - but the gun feels surprisingly familiar, its weight is reassuring. He clicks the lock and looks back. Two horsemen are still following them.

"Don't hurt the horsies," Willow asks.

He shoots and misses. Shit. He is one lousy Billie the Kid.

"Kill the horsies!" Giles snaps. "They can't be normal horses, or they wouldn't be able to keep up with the car!"

He tries to aim better, but the car jolts and he misses again. The horsemen are almost invisible in the dust, too far for aimed fire. If only they were closer...

As Xander reloads the shotgun, Faith looks at him and something in her eyes makes him decide.

"Faith, Willow - duck and hold on tightly! Giles, brake!"

"What?"

"We have to let them closer."

"You know you'll be a perfect target?" Giles asks as he tries to slide down in his seat to shield his body from arrows.

"Thanks for the reminder," he shouts, high on the adrenalin rush.

Two silhouettes appear through the cloud of dust. Time slows as Xander draws himself up, aims, pulls the trigger, and the first horse rears and falls, throwing its rider off. Xander shifts the gun in the direction of the last horseman - whose crossbow is already aimed at his heart. Xander takes his last shot and time stops.

It stops, doesn't it?

Because the arrow's standing still, an inch from his chest.

Then it falls down - and, at the same time, the last horse drops dead. The rider wallows helplessly, trying to reload his crossbow. Giles slams down on the accelerator and they leave him behind.

Still dazed, Xander looks around. Faith's face is contorted with pain and Willow slowly lowers her glowing hand. Her eyes are darker than usual.

"I'm sorry," Willow says thickly. "I didn't want to hurt you, Faith, but I couldn't let him die."

Faith nods as she struggles to sit up. "No sweat, I'm okay," she mutters through clenched teeth. Xander helps her and this time she doesn't mind his help.

For several minutes they drive in silence.

"Remind me to thank Ethan Rayne if I ever see him again," Giles says suddenly. "Looks like the after-effects of his Halloween spell just saved our lives."

Xander laughs shakily.

"I didn't know that riding shotgun in your car meant the back seat," Faith says.

Willow giggles hysterically. "Oh, Xander, is your middle name Rambo or Terminator?"

He shakes his head. "And I thought surviving Sunnydale High was the biggest feat of my life. Who knew that adult life could be so wild and unpredictable?"

"Well, yeah," Faith sniggers. "You should have thought about unpredictable before you stuck your dick into me."

The car swerves. Does the Guinness Book of Records have a "most stupid death" category? Does a car crash caused by the driver's shock at the news about the actual father of his passenger's baby qualify? Brakes screech. Xander glimpses Giles' furious eyes in the rearview mirror, as he steers the car to the roadside. Shit.

"Did you want to tell me something, Xander?" Giles asks without looking at him.

"Um, guys," Willow murmurs. "The sun sets in half an hour. We barely have time to get to Xander's place. Maybe we should talk when we're home?"

Giles' jaw drops. "You knew?!"

Faith snorts. Giles looks daggers at Xander before he starts the car. Xander doesn't avert his eyes because Faith snuggles up to him, so close he could hear her heart beating, and, for a moment, he feels okay.

"You will tell Buffy yourself," Giles says, and Xander doesn't feel okay anymore.

Next: Chapter 11 In Which Buffy Finds Out About Xander's Secret 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 - In Which Buffy Finds About Xander's Secret

He has to tell Buffy.

That's all he can think about as he helps Faith make herself comfortable on the couch in his small living room.

...No, he's not scared. He's just paralyzed with overwhelming dread, that's all. As soon as they arrived in his apartment, Willow called Buffy, told her about the ambush, and Buffy promised to come over straight after her patrol. If only she could patrol non-stop for the next week - or, better, the next month, or the next year...

"Do you want to borrow my cookie recipe?" Willow asks him.

"Cookie?.. Oh. No, baking cookies won't help me. To lift at least fifty percent of my guilt I'd have to have a big fat barbecue. But I'm pretty sure even the barbecuing wouldn't do much for the inner turmoil."

Faith watches them with amusement but Giles isn't amused at all. "Children, enough! We don't have time for this. Somebody is trying to kill us. Faith's baby is reacting to magic oddly. We have to focus."

"Maybe it wasn't my magic that was hurting you?" Willow suggests as she sits on the couch next to Faith. "Maybe it was - I don't know - a contraction? How are you feeling now?"

Faith shrugs. "I'm fine, I think. As soon as you stopped doing your mojo, it stopped hurting." She rubs her belly absent-mindedly. "Maybe you should try some kind of spell on me? Just to be sure. Do you know a nail-painting spell? Or a lipstick-applying spell?"

Is Willow's smile a bit flirty? Xander suddenly feels a pang of jealousy.

"I'll try to read your aura," Willow says. "There'll be a directional magical effect, very faint but stable. Tell me if it hurts."

Giles is watching them closely. Willow touches Faith's cheek. Then her hand slowly descends down her chest. Xander feels another pang of jealousy. Then Willow touches Faith's belly and Faith tenses.

"It hurts," she says. "A bit."

Xander feels a different kind of pang - a pang of fear. Something is wrong.

Willow jerks her hand back. "Sorry."

Faith frowns. "So... what is it?"

"I don't know," Willow admits. "Your aura is clear. Maybe somebody's done a spell to protect your baby from any magical influence. Or it could be a side-effect of a protection spell. Or something else."

"There's one thing we know for sure now," Giles says gloomily. "Those creatures who assaulted you - they were after your baby."

"Great," Faith mutters. "Just great."

Xander tries to suppress the blind panic that surges up in his chest. "Could it just be a mistake? I mean - why would anybody be after the baby?"

Giles regards him with a speculative eye. "We'll start researching it first thing in the morning. But there are several things we have to talk about right now. First of all, I want to apologize to Faith for... for my inappropriate comments about you and Xander." He furiously polishes his glasses. "It was a terrible misunderstanding that led to my unforgivable rudeness. If only Xander had told me..." He glares at him.

Faith winks. "Don't worry - I'll make him pay for it." Off Giles' embarrassed glance she relents. "Okay. Water under the bridge."

Giles sighs with relief. "Now, there is another thing. The Council has appointed me your temporary Watcher until your permanent Watcher arrives next week..."

"I don't care if the Council appoints the Queen of England as my Watcher," Faith says smoothly. "I don't work for the Council anymore."

"Should I remind you that the Council got you out of jail? Right now you need the Council more than it needs you."

Here we go. Xander was almost sure that the Council wouldn't leave Faith alone.

She looks at them with bitterness. "And I almost believed you wanted to help me."

"Listen, Giles, that's not going to work," Xander murmurs. "First of all, it wasn't the Council who got her out of jail. It was Willow's magic. Sure, the Council covered for her, but they didn't do anything."

Giles stares at him in disbelief. Xander has never defied him - until today.

"No offence, but we still don't know the Council's role in this matter," Willow puts in. "The Council could've been behind these attacks - you know, to put her in a corner and then make her an offer she can't refuse."

"It's unthinkable," Giles says flatly. "The Council...

"I don't think Faith needs the Council, " Xander interrupts. "She has a place to live, she has a Hellmouth to patrol..."

"...she has friends to count on," says Willow softly.

Xander wonders who is more shocked by Willow's little statement - Faith or Giles. Or himself.

"Listen, you don't have to get your panties in a twist because of me..." Faith murmurs.

"Faith," Willow interrupts, "you hurt Xander - I turn you into a horned toad. Understood?"

Faith nods, her eyes shining too brightly.

It takes a lof of effort to play cool. Xander swallows a lump in his throat. "Giles, please. We need you. Your experience... and your ability to defy the Council. We need you to convince the Council that you should stay Faith's permanent Watcher."

Xander hopes he doesn't sound too pleading.

"All right, we'll get back to this matter later," Giles says slowly. "Right now we have more pressing problems. And, if you don't mind, I, as Faith's temporary Watcher, will ask her some uncomfortable questions." He turns his attention to Faith. "I'm afraid this is going to sound inappropriate - but did you have sex with other partners around the time of conception?"

Faith snorts. "No."

Giles frowns.

"Of course. You don't believe me."

Giles thinks it over. "Actually, I'm inclined to trust you in this matter. I have the impression that you care about your baby... and realize the gravity of the situation. You won't aggravate the danger by lying. Were there any unusual circumstances of the conception?"

"The absence of condoms. See, I was just out of coma and hadn't taken care of that yet. Unless you guys stuck something in me when I was in the hospital." Off Giles' shocked stare she adds, "I know the Council was watching me the whole time. I had a heart-to-heart conversation with one of the thugs you sent after me in Los-Angeles. Oh, and since we're talking about the Council, could somebody explain about Ms. Dormer and the Levantine order?"

"Your first Watcher was a member of a secret organization that deals with magic," Giles explains.

Faith is genuinely surprised. "You mean - another one, besides the Council? So, what? You think they magicked my pussy? Or Xander's joystick?"

Xander blushes. Willow's snicker embarrasses him even more.

"As outrageous as it sounds, there is something in that," Giles muses.

"We can check it," Willow says.

He is horrified. "You're going to check my... my...?!"

"No, silly. There is a spell to see spells. Well, it's rather a trance to see spells, but, you get the idea. It's called Tirer La Couture."

Giles nods. "Good idea. The Tirer La Couture spell was created in the sixteenth century by a French sorcerer named Cloutier. It is a ritual that puts you into a trance wherein you can see the traces of the spells around you."

"I knew we might need it so I took the necessary ingredients," Willow says. "I don't know if we could do it on Faith because magic hurts her, but I can do it on Xander. If he's okay with it."

"Okay," he says quickly. He's ready to do anything to protect Faith from another ordeal.

Willow starts explaining about the ritual: he should seclude himself in a closed space, burn the incense and pour the powder around him counter-clockwise... The doorbell interrupts her explanations and Xander opens the door to find Buffy.

His stomach plummets. Time to tell her. Oh, no. Anything but that.

He notices Spike standing next to Buffy and is thankful for the temporary distraction. "What is he doing here?"

Buffy lowers her eyes. "Willow told me about the attack. I think four fists are better than two fists." She sounds unexpectedly timid. "Xander, please. Invitation."

He hesitates, looking Spike over from head to toe.

Spike snorts. "How much does it take to blurt out an invitation?"

Xander grimaces. "You can come in," he says reluctantly and looks at Buffy. "If he tries anything, he's out of here."

Spike starts saying something, but Buffy elbows him sharply and he closes his mouth with a snap. She looks at Xander with concern. "He's not the one you should be worried about." She glances pointedly at Faith.

He throws hands up in the air to stop her before she says anything more. "Buffy. There is something you have to know."

She nods as she slowly takes in the tension in the room. "What?"

No, he can't. He feels paralyzed. "Buffy," he starts again. "Just don't get nervous."

Her eyes widen. "Mom? Did you get a phone call from the hospital?"

"No!" they all exclaim.

"Then what? Another apocalypse?" She looks at them, alarmed and confused. "Guys. Just tell me."

Xander opens his mouth but this time no sound comes out. At all.

"Hey, B. Xander wants to say that the bun in my oven," Faith pats her belly, "is his. We're about to check if his magic penis made a very special baby everybody's after."

Buffy laughs shakily. "You know, I'm way too tired to appreciate your gallows humor, Faith. Now, could you tell me... " She falters, as she notices Xander's mortified face. "It's a joke, isn't it? Because - not funny."

"Speak for yourself, Slayer!" Spike roars with laughter. "And - thank your lucky stars that Harris didn't shag her when she was in your body!"

Next: Chapter 12 - In Which Xander Looks Into Abyss 


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 - In Which Xander Looks Into Abyss

Xander can't believe his torment is over. They know. They don't mind. At least vocally. Even Buffy doesn't say anything, just pours all her frustration onto Spike. Xander watches them snark and tries not to grin. Even Spike can be useful. In small doses.

Buffy is tense around Faith but tries not to show it. Faith also tries to act relaxed, but she instinctively covers her belly with both hands every time Buffy approaches her. Xander hugs her shoulders and feels how she stiffens. He doesn't even try to imagine how it feels, to be in the same room with the person who stabbed you. How it feels to be heavily pregnant and helpless in the presence of somebody who stuck a knife in your gut.

"You okay?' he whispers to Faith. She nods and snuggles into him. He wants this moment to last forever, but Giles and Willow finish the preparations for the spell in his tiny spare room and call him in.

As he tears himself off Faith and stands up reluctantly, a wave of loss rushes through him. He doesn't understand why he feels so sad and desperate.

"I'll be back soon," he says to Faith before realizing that he has just said The Requisite Phrase Of The Next Movie Victim.

Spike smirks. "Don't worry, mate. I'll hold the fort and make sure that our Slayers won't get into a catfight."

Buffy glares. "My fist so misses your nose, Spike!"

Xander smiles automatically and closes the door behind him.

...At first, there is nothing but darkness. Bittersweet incense makes his head spin; his limbs are weightless and he can only feel his heart pounding loudly and menacingly. Then a flicker of a lighter reveals Spike's face. "Hey, I'm not the one out of place here," Spike says.

"For your information, smarty, we've got a rogue slayer on our hands. Real psycho-killer, too."

Xander hears and sees himself, in a dirty alley, Giles at his side.

No, it's not Giles, it's Faith, who pins him to a wall and kisses hungrily. At the same place. In the same time. He knows it. It's impossible, yet it has happened.

Giles' face appears again. "What do you know, Spike?" he asks. "Have you seen her?" His face blurs and suddenly it's not him - it's Faith, who laughs nervously. "Are you afraid of me, Xander?" - "Terrified," he says honestly. "Should I be?" She looks at him intensely, calculating. "Can we go to your place?" - "I live in my parents' basement, so..." - "Do you have money for a motel room?" - "Faith, listen. You can't run forever. Sooner or later Buffy will find..." - "She will never find me." - "She has Spike with his vampire sense of smell..."

Except it's not Faith, it's Spike, puffing his cigarette. "Tell you what I'll do, then. Head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where all of you are, and then watch as she kills you. Can't anyone in your damned little Scoobie Club at least try to remember that I hate you all?"

Realities shift and turn inside out. Xander desperately clings to the Faith bits, but they fade out and melt into darkness. Now he can clearly see that he spent that fateful evening with Giles, looking for Faith in the dark alleys; that the only person they met was Spike who mocked them; that he came home long past midnight, exhausted and pissed because of the futility of their search.

Then, suddenly, everything blurs and glitters and crumbles and he lies on a cold, hard floor of his spare room, among old boxes and broken things, fighting the nausea. He wants to curl in a ball and never open his eyes again. And never face the truth. He hadn't met Faith that night and they hadn't been making love. Whatever is inside her - it isn't their baby.

He finally understands the expression "to look into an abyss".

No, he doesn't have time for this. He has to think quickly. Could it be a mind trick? Willow's spell gone awry? Somebody's manipulation? At least, he hasn't cheated on Anya. Has he? If he remembers something that hasn't happened, does it count?

In any case, Faith shouldn't know. She shouldn't get upset in her condition. Buffy? No, he can't tell her. Who knows what she would do if she found out. Spike works with Buffy so he shouldn't know as well.

He has to tell Willow as soon as possible - but he has to find a moment when Faith isn't around. Same goes for Buffy and Spike. Damn his vampire ears.

And he thought he was through with secrets. He groans softly as he tries to sit up. Apparently, damn vampire ears catch the sound, because a second later the door opens and Willow appears, escorted by Spike and Buffy.

"Xander? You're okay?"

"Dizzy," he croaks.

They help him on his feet and lead him to the couch in the living-room. He avoids looking Faith in the eye as he sits down awkwardly next to her.

"What? What have you seen?"

"Nothing," he murmurs with leaden lips. He feels numb.

"Nothing unusual?" Willow asks, her eyes shining with worry.

He doesn't want to shake his head, doesn't intend to. But, apparently, he does, because Willow looks guilty and disappointed. "Oh... I'm sorry for putting you through this."

"Pity you don't have a magic penis," Faith says.

"So, what's on the agenda?" Buffy asks impatiently.

Giles pinches the bridge of his nose. "Either you stay here tonight to guard them, Buffy, or..."

"Or?" she repeats impatiently.

"Or Willow does a Sanctorium spell that makes violence impossible."

"Sanctorium spell," Buffy and Xander say in unison.

Giles sighs. "I hoped to avoid it, frankly. Magic hurts Faith..."

"I can put up with it," she says curtly.

"I appreciate your courage, Faith, but Willow has already done a lot of magic today, when we had no other choice. And magic is very addictive."

"I'm okay!" Willow insists. "This spell will be the last one for a while. As soon as it's done we can all relax. It stops any violence within the closed space. As long as Faith stays here nobody and nothing can harm her."

Giles nods reluctantly. "All right then. I'll call Anya and she will bring the ingredients from the Magic Box."

Oh, God. Anya. Xander shudders involuntarily.

"I can bring them myself," Willow says hastily. Apparently, she's noticed the sheer panic on his face.

Giles shakes his head. "We need to do the spell as quickly as possible. I'll call Anya."

Faith stretches her limbs. "Just great, trading one prison for another." Off Xander's hurt look she grins. "Kidding, stupid. Listen, how about getting some shut eye? I'm a bit tired."

In the bedroom she snuggles in his bed and tentatively smiles at him. A wave of heat rises in his chest. He wants to tell her that everything will be okay, but he's already exceeded his daily quota of jinx phrases. Besides, there is big lump in his throat. So he just sits down on the edge of the bed and strokes her hair.

Silently, she takes his hand and puts on her belly. He stiffens as he feels the baby moving.

"She kicks like a future slayer," Faith says proudly.

He can't miss such an opening. "What did your doctor say? Could she really be a slayer? Or is she a regular human?"

Something changes in her face. "They did an ultrasound. Several times. She's a regular human. At least that's what they told me." She turns her face away and closes her eyes. Like she knows why he's asking. Uneasy, he covers her with a comforter and, after a brief hesitation, returns to the living room. Now, if only he could get rid of Buffy and Spike and talk to Willow...

Buffy meets him with a cup of tea. "You must be dead tired," she says. "I can make you something to eat."

He forces a smile. "I thought it was my duty to go for donuts. Thanks, Buff. You're the best. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Let's not find out." She hugs him awkwardly. "I can't believe it hurt me so much, that you didn't trust me enough to tell about... about you and her."

She is so contrite that he almost tells her. He even opens his mouth to spill everything, but...

"No, don't say anything - I know it's entirely my fault. I did a lot of things I'm not proud of. I understand why you didn't want to tell me. It's just..." She chuckles. "You know that wrenching outsider feeling? I felt like a fool when she told me in front of everybody. Why I was the last one to find out?"

"Not the last one," Spike puts in. "I found out at the same time."

Buffy glares. "I mean friends, Spike, not fists-for-hire".

Spike does that thing with his tongue, the one that always embarrasses Xander, and fishes a cigarette out of the pocket.

"No smoking here, Evil Dead." Xander nods to the balcony door.

Buffy looks flushed as she follows Spike with her eyes. "Sorry I brought him here."

"Maybe you should go home," he suggests. "You look tired. Willow told me you spent several days at the hospital. You need rest."

Buffy shakes head.

"No way. We don't know when these demons might attack again. You have to put up with me and Spike until the spell is done. As soon as it's done we go home... I mean I'll go visit Mom and then I'll go home and Spike - I don't know - will go doing his regular evil stuff. I mean - not really evil, because he's chipped - but something annoying and stupid, like he usually does..."

Xander sighs. Lately she's been going into the babble mode whenever she mentions Spike.

But he instantly forgets about it as he accidentally notices Giles' calculating gaze. Xander doesn't like the expression on his face. Giles seems to be thinking about something that has nothing to do with Willow's spell. Does he really look guilty?

Xander makes a cup of tea for Faith, grabs a packet of cookies and retreats to the bedroom. He enters quietly in case she is sleeping, and has a moment of panic when he sees an empty bed. Then he hears voices from the outside and realizes that she went out on the balcony through the bedroom door.

"Absolutely sure." Spike's voice. "Your baby has a regular human pulse. Why?"

"Just in case. They might have foreseen medical tests but they could hardly foresee vampire's ear."

As Xander's eyes adjust to the darkness, he makes out two silhouettes outside. Spike is crouching, his ear pressed to Faith's abdomen. "Who - they? Who are these buggers that are trying to kill you, luv?"

"Ask your friends. They know more than me."

It's wrong to eavesdrop. Xander desperately wants to go away, or to reveal his presence. But his voice is gone and his feet are rooted into the floor.

"They're not my friends," Spike says as he stands up. "I help the Slayer only because she pays me."

Faith's laugh is dripping with honey. Who knew she could laugh so catchingly?

"Hey, blondy - you think I'm blind? I see how you and B look at each other."

"We don't!" Spike exclaims. "Or, well, I guess we do look at each other, but not like you mean! I hate Slayers! Really! I kill them, and everything!"

Faith chuckles. "You know how to make an impression, tiger."

"I don't mean you - I kill the other ones. Especially Summers. The most annoying, condescending, self-righteous bint who doesn't know what she wants."

"She wants you," Faith says cheerfully. "She's itching to touch you. Come on, blondy, you might have tricked the Scoobies, but you can't trick me."

"Thank God your boyfriend isn't that sharp," Spike grumbles. "He'd stake me if he found out."

Faith laughs again. "Use me as leverage. Xander's evil girlfriend versus Buffy's evil boyfriend."

Xander is shocked. Buffy and Spike? And he thought he was through with surprises. The idea of Buffy wanting Spike fills him with disgust - but then the doorbell ringing announces Anya's arrival, and the only disgust left in him is the utter disgust at himself.

Next: chapter 13 - In Which Xander Finds Out About Giles' Secret 


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 - In Which Xander Finds Out About Giles' Secret "We have to shield her."

Xander looks at Anya questioningly.

"Shield her," she repeats patiently. "Willow says magic hurts her and this spell is quite a blast. The only way to shield a human body is another human body. Or bodies."

Xander is baffled. Anya is brisk and businesslike. She brought the supplies, gave him a quick nod - "hi, hon" - and started helping Giles and Willow with the spell. She hasn't said a word about him having another woman in his apartment. A woman, pregnant with his child. The only sign of Anya's attitude is her stubborn refusal to call Faith by name or to look in her direction as she explains that the more bodies participate in shielding the more effective the shield is.

"Are dead bodies eligible too?" Spike asks, wiggling his brows. Buffy kicks him in the shins.

"Yes, Spike - you have a rare chance to grope two slayers at once," Anya deadpans.

Xander preemptively envelops Faith in a hug, cringing mentally when Anya looks at them, but she doesn't say anything. Buffy unceremoniously pulls Spike away from Faith, and Xander can't help but notice that her hands linger on Spike's arm.

When the spell is done, everybody relaxes. Buffy does a test - she tries to punch Spike and her fist sticks in the air an inch from Spike's cheekbone. Spike smirks and offers Buffy a ride to the hospital. Much to Xander's frustration, Buffy asks Willow to come with them. No doubt she wants to grill her about him and Faith.

Damn. He has to talk to Willow.

Leaving Faith in the bedroom, Xander sees Buffy and Willow to Spike's car. "Will, there is something I have to tell you..." He looks at her pleadingly, trying to convey that "something" is for her ears only. Willow stops, concerned, but Buffy also stops and grabs Willow's hand posessively. Xander suppresses an exasperated sigh. "I just... I want to thank you, Will... and you too, Buffy - for what you're doing. I owe you."

He follows them with his eyes. Tomorrow. He'll tell Willow tomorrow.

As he returns to his apartment, he hears Anya's voice from his living-room. "You tell him, Rupie".

Xander stops cold in his tracks. Rupie? What the hell?

"No, Anya, I think it would be better if you tell him yourself."

Xander's heart sinks. Anya's voice is urgent and insistent; Giles replies wearily and morosely. They sound like people who don't like what they are about to do. Of course, they don't want to kill Faith - but, somehow they figured out something about her baby and... There must be a stepladder downstairs. Maybe he could sneak into the bedroom without them noticing. He'd climb up the balcony from the outside, grab Faith, put her in his car and drive far, far away from Sunnydale...

"As a matter of fact I'm not sure if we should do it now when he goes through such difficult time," Giles continues.

"Rubbish - it's the best opportunity! We have to tell him now when his baby hasn't been born yet. In a month he may change his mind. He'll get tired of sleepless nights and baby cries. Even a sexy girlfriend won't be able to make up for it. He will want to stay with me."

What the hell is Anya talking about? Xander sighs. Okay, sneaking into a bedroom and escaping with Faith can wait. He pastes a fake smile on his face and enters his apartment.

"What's up, guys?"

No Faith in sight, both Giles and Anya look guilty. His heart sinks.

"Where is she?"

"Xander, I have to tell you something important," Anya declares solemnly.

"Where is Faith, Anya?" he yells.

Anya sulks. "In her bedroom. I mean - your bedroom. She must be knackered - is that the word, Rupie? It must be very tiresome, to have such a huge... a very nice belly."

He sighs with relief. "So, what is it that you have to tell me?"

"Delicately, remember?" Giles murmurs.

"Sure, sweetie." She flashes them a megawatt smile. "I have wonderful news for you, Xander. You won big time."

What? He must have misheard her. What is she talking about?

Anya goes on, unperturbed. "Just think of it, sweetie. Instead of a thousand-years-old demon with a rich history of murders and disasters all around the world you get a young slayer with an almost spotless reputation of killing only several humans. She is sexy and can give you a lot of orgasms. She is strong and can protect you if somebody tries to hurt you. She is beautiful and hot, so all your male friends will be envious of you. And soon she will give birth to a wonderful baby and you will become a proud father. While poor Giles will have to cope with me and my horrible demon ways."

"Woe is me," Giles adds dryly.

Their faces reel before Xander's eyes. "Guys, you mean you're... together?"

"Just don't get violent," Anya warns. "Violence is the resort of the weak-willed."

He is at a loss. "Why would I use violence?"

"You were constantly telling me about your father's hot tempers."

"So?"

She shrugs. "Men often refer to their friends and relatives when they want to talk about things they do but are ashamed of revealing. They say, "a friend of mine is into Internet porn." Or, "My big brother beats his girlfriend when she cheats on him."

He is taken aback. "You mean every time I was complaining about my old man you thought I was making threats in disguise?"

She lowers her eyes. "Sorry, honey. I haven't got used to human ways yet. You speak in unfathomable codes."

Giles shakes his head, embarrassed. "Every time I suggested we should tell you, she stalled me. But today, when I called her to the Magic Box and told about you and Faith, she decided it was the right time to break the news."

"Because you don't have the right to get angry at me, Xander," Anya says. "Judging by your girlfriend's size, you cheated on me nine months ago. And I started doing it five months later."

Baffled, Xander tries to change the subject before Anya decides he deserves a vengeance wish put upon him. "Uh, Giles, so, you were uneasy around me recently because of - this?"

Anya looks at Giles with reproach. "I always said you were a terrible liar."

Giles smiles painfully. "It was too obvious, wasn't it? When did you guess about us?"

Xander grins. He is so exhilarated he wants to hug them both.

"Actually, you've caught me completely unawares. At first I was sure you were fidgeting because you knew about me and Faith. Then I thought you were sneaky around me because you wanted to kill her."

Giles is shocked. "What an absurd idea!"

"I thought you were planning her grisly death too, honey," Anya puts in brightly. "Recently you've been talking so much about doing the duty and taking the responsibility."

Giles is genuinely baffled. "Anya, responsibility doesn't necessarily mean murder!"

She snorts. "You humans use so many funny euphemisms for killing and death. A demon can easily get confused by them. Anyways, I'm happy to be wrong about your motivations. I don't want Xander to grieve. Are we still friends, Xander? It's the best way to cease a relationship - to stay on friendly terms and visit each other's families on Christmas and Thanksgiving, bringing presents and good cheer."

He stifles hysterical laughter. Good cheer. Small talk at the Christmas table - Anya and Spike arguing who caused more mayhem, Faith and Buffy debating if axes are better for beheading than swords, Giles and Willow discussing the prospects of the next apocalypse. And the funniest thing? It feels normal. Well, almost.

Anya interprets his silence the wrong way. "I realize it's too sudden. I expected you to be confused so I brought - this." She hands him a sachet made of black cloth. "I ordered five ounces of the powder of Nagarjuna. Specially for you. It reveals the inner essence of a person. Sprinkle the powder on you and you will see..."

Giles frowns. "The last time I checked the powder of Nagarjuna was used to reveal a person's weakness."

Anya smiles a bit guiltily. "It's a matter of definition. Are his feelings to this girl a weakness or his true essence? I'd say both. He only needs to stop resisting it and embrace himself as her lover."

"Thank you, Anya," Xander says with difficulty. "I appreciate your efforts. I... I'll make sure I do that. Later, okay?" He takes the sachet she's still holding in her hands and puts it in his pocket. "And - I congratulate you and Giles on finding each other."

She beams. "Thank you, dear. And - don't count on Giles' feelings of guilt to derive benefit from his difficult situation. Him being a current lover of your ex-lover doesn't give you the right to ask for money, or for your new Slayer girlfriend's employment in Magic Box..."

"Don't worry, Anya, I won't be asking anything. Except one thing." He turns to Giles. "The Council has to leave Faith alone. If she doesn't want to cooperate with them - it's her right. If it was the Council who sent these killers, they will regret the day they did it. Because they can't win in a war against the Slayer. Or, rather, two Slayers."

"I can assure you, the Council isn't involved in these assaults," Giles retorts. "Also, I can assure you that Buffy will never side with Faith against the Council."

"Really? Two years ago the Council sent a crazy vampire after her and he almost killed her mother. And now they're after another Slayer."

Giles looks at him with grim determination. "Do you really think Buffy can forgive her for everything she did to her and Angel?"

"Oh, she can!" Anya says briskly. "Former enemies do become the best of friends and allies. Do you remember that funny movie we watched? About a robot with a horrible foreign accent? In the first film he tries to kill the girl, until she kills him, and in the second he protects her and her child."

"Also, the X-men and Magneto's clan united against a common enemy," Xander adds. "Wait... Giles - you watched both "Terminators"?

Giles winces. "It's... irrelevant."

"Anyway, Buffy's got her closure," Anya continues, imperturbable. "When she wounded Faith in the womb, she metaphorically castrated her enemy and took away her woman power. Since Buffy's all about woman power, she felt bad about it. And now it turns out that the above-mentioned enemy retained her ability to procreate. Buffy hasn't destroyed her womanhood. To keep her role of a big shiny hero Buffy has to help her former enemy. Humans always feel affection for those they're helping. They love neighbors for the good they do to the neighbors. Because humans constantly need to prove to themselves they're good guys... what?"

Giles closes his mouth with a snap. "You never cease to amaze me, Anya."

"But of course, sweetie! That's why you love me so much!"

Giles smiles ruefully, as he hugs Anya's shoulders. "Sure, dear but we digress. Xander, you have to believe me. The Council is not Faith's enemy. They are ready to discuss terms of future cooperation. Talk to her."

Xander nods wearily. "Okay. We'll talk about it. Tomorrow." He looks at the clock pointedly.

"Will you ask me to be a godmother of your child?" Anya asks. "Rupert and I ..."

"Anya, dear," Giles interrupts. "I think this matter can wait. Today was a hectic day. Let's not outstay our welcome."

She pouts but obediently follows him to the door. "I'll call tomorrow morning," Giles says.

Xander nods. Tomorrow. Whatever it is, it can wait until tomorrow.

He looks at the clock. It's ten to midnight.

Tomorrow is imminent.

Next: chapter 14 - In Which Xander Finds Out Something About Faith 


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 - In Which Xander Finds Out Something About Faith

In the bedroom Faith is sleepy and relaxed. She gives him a welcome grin and unceremoniously drags him down and he plops on the bed next to her. She smiles briefly and, for a while, the illusion of normalcy is almost complete.

"So, what now?" she murmurs.

He nuzzles her hair. "Sleeping. Resting."

"And then?"

"Then we'll buy a crib. Consider a baby shower?"

"You're way into this baby stuff, aren't you?" she says with a little chuckle.

"I'm way into this baby stuff. And this baby's mother stuff. What about turning my spare room into a small gym? That is, as soon as I throw the lumber out of there. You'll need a gym to get back into a good shape. Also, I plan to talk to my construction boss. He promised me a promotion, and it's time to remind him. The pay will be better and we'll start looking for a bigger apartment..."

"Whoa, Xander." She laughs, incredulous. "You're serious."

"Dead serious."

She stares at him with an unreadable expression, and he tenses. "What?"

"Sounds good. Especially about the gym. I'm disgustingly swollen." Her tone clearly implies "worship my cute pregnant tummy."

He smiles. "You know, male superheroes have huge dicks. A female superhero should have a huge womb."

She snorts. "You know how to compliment a girl."

"Seriously. You're the biggest female superhero ever."

"Thanks." She rubs her belly, smiles reluctantly. Her eyes are sad. "Playing house is wicked sweet."

"Playing?.."

"Now tell me the truth." Bedroom eyes gone, she speaks quietly and urgently. "Stop fidgeting. I know you're lying. When you came out of that room after the spell, you couldn't look me in the eye. What is it that you saw?"

He tries to quell the rising panic. She looks at him and softens a bit. "Don't be afraid, tell me. I'll die? Me and death - we're such close friends."

"Faith, I don't know what's gotten into you..." Bad choice of words. Very bad. "I mean, your fears are totally unfounded.... And - it's not what you think it is."

"Oh, really?" She gives him a hard look. "That's what Cyvus Vail told me before I killed him. The thing inside me isn't what I think it is."

"He was messing with your head!"

She chuckles bitterly and looks away. "You're messing with my head too."

He slumps against the mattress. There must be an easy, non-threatening explanation of whatever happens to them. Except there isn't. "But it's really not what you... It's just... I remembered what really happened that night."

She looks at him askew. "And?"

"Nothing. No, really. Nothing. It's just a false memory."

"False?"

"In reality, we didn't meet. That night I was looking for you, but you disappeared. I guess the father of your baby, whoever he is, doesn't want you to remember him, so he changed our memories."

She lies, motionless, staring at the ceiling.

"Faith, listen, it doesn't mean..."

"Well, it's... good. Isn't it? I didn't try to stab myself. I didn't try to kill you... again."

He is relieved. Apparently, she was bracing herself for worse. She even smiles but her smile is forced.

"And it's good for you - the baby isn't your responsibility."

"Faith..."

"Don't worry, tots. It's just for a few days. As soon as I drop the kid, I'll be out of your way."

He knows her bravado is a cover-up, but he can't restrain himself. He didn't know words could sting so much.

"Screw your pride, Faith! I know a lot of bad things happened to you, but it doesn't mean it should always be like that! Accepting help isn't shameful! No matter how hard it is, people can share, trust each other, and they can..."

They can love. Desperately, hopelessly, against all odds.

But he can't bring himself to say it.

She still doesn't look at him, but her hand finds his among the sheets and squeezes it - lightly, tentatively.

"You know, I - I know it didn't happen but that's how I remember it - that night I only wanted to die. To have a bit of fun and then die. I remember why I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not because I was afraid, but... I suddenly imagined you holding my guts, trying to stop the bleeding, calling 911, telling them it was your fault and getting arrested, all bloodied and... I just couldn't."

He steals a look at her. Her eyes are closed, her face impenetrable. "When my bump started showing, I was about to escape to Mexico to have my baby there. But my source tipped me off about Vail's lair and I decided to quit in style. My bad. You know, I didn't believe Vail when he said my baby wasn't what I think, but I got scared. There are so many urban legends about demonic pregnancies, brainwashing and memory spells in Los-Angeles. So I went to the police. I decided whatever was inside me would be less dangerous in a prison. But I didn't tell them I was pregnant. My bump wasn't showing much yet, so I kept my mouth shut. Maybe Wesley noticed - after all, he had been my Watcher. But once I was in the prison, settled life and all, I ballooned instantly. They sent me to the hospital ward, did the ultrasound, showed me the pic of my baby. When I realized it was human, I cried all night. I decided it was your baby, after all..."

She trails off. Apparently, she is embarrassed about sharing so much.

He doesn't dare to ask what she was thinking about these nights in her cell - alone, lost, afraid that a demon was growing inside her.

"I read about your arrest. I borrowed Willow's laptop and read all I could find. Three little articles in criminal chronicles. Since that day I've had dreams. About visiting you in prison. About helping you to escape. About turning into a brilliant lawyer and winning your case. About the Earth being destroyed and the two of us escaping in a comfy space ship..."

She smiles mirthlessly. "I guess our encounter was their oversight."

He is at loss. "Their?"

"Powers That Be. Or whoever deals with my fate. They made a stupid mistake when they let us meet each other. And now they're doing - I don't know... damage control. It wasn't supposed to happen, you know?" She crinkles her brow. "How much of our past do you think they changed?"

He thinks it over.

"A lot. It's not only us. That night, when we met Spike, he was our enemy. He said he wanted to watch you kill us. But in my current memories he has helped Buffy since he got the chip."

She snickers. "Maybe in reality I was the good slayer and Buffy was the bad slayer?" She raises herself on the elbow and looks him in the eye. "Do you think our first time, when I popped your cherry, was a mind trick too?"

"No way!" He hopes he sounds confident enough. "No, it was for real. I remember thinking about it in the previous - real - reality."

Faith smirks. "Liked it, didn't you?"

"The aftermath kinda ruined it for me," he says honestly.

She purses her lips, and shrugs. "Guess it would."

"But, I think I think I loved you even in that reality. Maybe not as desperately as I love you now, but I - I felt for you."

"Yet you were on Buffy's team." Faith looks at him, grim and determined. "Xander, you have to understand. If you're with me, you have to take my side."

"What do you mean - side?"

"Are you planning to tell them?" The implication is too clear.

"I have to tell Willow. She is helping us. She'll find the guys who are trying to kill you."

"Not me. My baby." She nurses her stomach. "I knew from the start that those bastards were after my daughter."

"Are you sure? How do you..."

"Because they tried to gut me." She turns away. "Your friends will do the same when they find out it's not your baby."

He shakes his head, horrified. "How can you say that? It's paranoid to think that..."

"I won't let them kill my daughter. What if they try to drug me, or bind me with magic? Are you with them or with me?"

"They? You mean The Council?"

"The Council. Giles. Buffy and her vampire. Why do you think she brought him here and made you invite him to your apartment? As soon as they find out the baby isn't yours..."

"That's ridicul... No. You're overreacting. You know what they say - eyes of fear see danger everywhere."

"Exactly. They read those apocalyptic scrolls, they believe them and they're scared witless."

He tries to smile. "Given my predisposition to demonic relationships, an apocalyptic baby is the logical next step." Off her hurt look he amends hastily, "Shit, sorry - nasty habit of talking before I think can't be stopped sometimes. And - and you should have ripped out my tongue that night - except that night didn't happen, so..."

She sighs. "And on with the lame-ass jokes."

"I'm a moron."

She smiles reluctantly, and, encouraged, he adds, "And you're a paranoiac. A pair of lemons."

"I'm not a paranoiac. The Council doesn't give a damn if it's a human baby or not. They see a potential threat - they deal with it."

"Faith, I just want you to survive..."

In a quick sweeping movement she straddles him. He realizes that her weakness and vulnerability was a show and she is much stronger than he thought. She talks slowly, imprinting every word in his brain.

"Xander. A child - any child - is born innocent. I'm a killer, but I was innocent when I was born. If a mother brings up her child in love, he won't become a monster. He might be different, is all. Different doesn't necessarily means evil..."

She tenses.

"What?"

"Nothing." She feels her belly. "Just... heaviness. Like a pile of bricks inside. Hurts a bit."

Xander tentatively presses his hand to her taut bulge. It's as hard as stone. "Maybe it's a contraction?"

Faith looks at him with frightened eyes. "Oh, no." She shakes her head vigorously. "No, it can't be a contraction. Contractions means real pain and I only feel a bit of discomfort..." She gasps. "Oh, shit!"

Next: chapter 15 - Light! Camera! Aaaand - action! 


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 - Light! Camera! Aaand - Action!

He hardly remembers how they got to the hospital, where he parked his car. What the hell is the receptionist talking about? Water? What water?

"My water broke half an hour ago," Faith says impatiently to the receptionist. She looks around. "Mind if I sit down? I think I've got another one..." She lowers herself into a wheelchair, moaning and cursing.

The receptionist says something about documents. Xander starts to explain about Faith's medical insurance and suddenly he notices that the receptionist isn't listening. She's staring in disbelief at something behind his back.

"A green ball of energy!" a patient in a straight-jacket shrieks hysterically, pointing at Faith. "She has a green ball of energy inside her!"

Distracted by the cries, Xander doesn't see them at first. Them. Three little demons in monks' robes, with black eyes and wrinkled faces. As they approach, he can see that they have knives in their hands.

Thankfully, Xander brought a small axe - just in case. He barely manages to stop the first demon's attack and then the second one comes at him from the right, and the knife is aimed at his chest and he realizes that he doesn't have time to counter his strike...

A well-aimed lamp hits the demon in the head and he falls sprawling on the floor. Stunned, Xander sees Buffy storming towards them. Behind her, Spike matter-of-factly twists the neck of the third demon.

"Buffy? What are you doing here?"

"Visiting Mom. Willow and Giles are also here, with me, and Spike - I don't know - he might be stealing blood or something..." She looks with concern at Faith who is writhing in pain in her chair. "What happened? Is she wounded?"

"She's in labor."

"Oh." Buffy looks slightly awed. "Um, Faith? Everything will be okay, they won't bother you anymore. We slayed them."

That's when it happens.

A woman appears.

A beautiful woman in a red dress, on high heels and with a shock of curly hair. Grotesque and ridiculous among the white frocks and hospital equipment, she looks like she arrived at Sunnydale hospital straight from a fashion show in Milan or Paris - not that he has attended fashion shows in Milan or Paris...

"Glorificus, most beauteous and supremely magnificent one," the demon wails. "These contemptible humans and despicable half-breed impertinently refuse to return the Key they purloined from Your Elaborate Marvelousness! They even dare to kill your worthless servants!"

The woman brushes him away like an annoying fly as she makes her way to Faith. Xander resolutely blocks her way.

"Hey, lady, I don't know who you are or what you want, but..."

She moves him aside like he is a balloon; he staggers from her light touch and realizes that she might be as strong as Buffy.

Maybe even stronger.

The next moment Spike, who's trying to stop her, flies across the hall, bouncing from the wall with a distinct thud. Buffy hits the woman in the chest, but her punches don't affect the woman at all. She looks slightly annoyed and squeamish as she grabs Buffy with both hands and hurls her at Spike, right into his arms.

"Glorificus, the Most Shiny Special One," the demon squeals as he hands her his knife. "Your Creamy Coolness is honoring me with an opportunity to assist you during the extraction of the Divine Key from a worthless human body..."

They are after the baby. Furious, Xander jumps at the demon and knocks him out before the Most Shiny Special Bitch backhands him viciously and he goes down, down, down, and it hurts like hell, but he doesn't close his eyes, because this is a sight to die for...

...Faith slowly rises from the chair and, before the Most Shiny Special Bitch has time to react, hits her right in the face with a force of a freight train.

"You know what, skank? I'm tired of people thrusting knives in my gut!"

Obviously, the Most Shiny Special Bitch has never been hit by a freight train before. She crashes into the wall, leaving a big dent, slides down and lands on her back, unconscious. Dazed, Xander feasts his eyes upon Faith, formidable in her fury. Maternal instinct, my ass.

The Most Shiny Special Bitch convulses, tries to raise herself onto her elbow and falls again, right at the feet of Giles and Willow who happen to come out of the elevator at that moment.

"What the hell is happening here?" Giles looks around, anxious and confused, until his gaze falls on Faith, who's still standing in a fighting pose. "Faith - who is that woman?"

"I was about to ask you the same question."

"Listen, Watcher," Spike growls. "I don't know what kind of demon the bloody skank is, but we'd better scarper as soon as possible. Because this blasted thing is incredibly strong."

Five minutes later they pass the "You're leaving Sunnydale. Come back soon" sign at the outskirts of the town. Spike hotwired an ambulance car and now he's driving it like a madman or like an NFS addict, or whatever. The brakes screech as the car skids at every turn. Xander holds Faith who half-sits, half-lies on the stretcher, propped against him. She tenses again, pants, squeezes his hand and lies to him that she's okay. He knows her pain should be growing stronger with each contraction. These last few days he has read everything he could find about pregnancy and childbirth and he knows it should be painful. But it's normal, isn't it? It's not like some beast is devouring her from inside and nobody had realized it until it's too late...

"They called your baby a Divine Key," Buffy says.

Xander averts his eyes. Could they have an apocalypse, pronto, so that he could fight demons or stake vampires, or get hit on the head and drop in a corner unconscious and inconspicuous? Getting hit on the head and dropping in a corner is seriously underrated.

Giles watches him closely. "You're sure? A Divine Key?" He talks to Buffy without taking his eyes offXander's face.

Buffy nods. "Uh-huh. And I thought Xander specialized in demons."

Xander squirms under Giles' scrutiny. "Giles, the thing is..." No. He can't.

"You knew," Giles says, slowly and ferociously. "You saw it when you were under the spell."

Xander hides his face in Faith's hair.

"What is it?" Giles asks sharply. "Who is that woman in red?"

Xander shakes his head. "I don't know," he whispers. "I only know that the night we spent together we actually didn't. Spend together, I mean."

Faith snorts. "Somebody wanted us to believe that the baby was Xander's," she says gloomily.

"Somebody?"

"My baby is human," she says defensively. "My guess is I did - I dunno - some wizard? A human wizard not particularly popular among the demon population. He wanted to protect his kid by giving us false memories."

"But why did they call it a Divine Key?" Willow asks, concerned.

Faith gasps and hunches, nursing her belly. She doesn't say she's okay anymore. Xander squeezes her hand, tense with the spasms of pain, whispers stupid words of comfort and tentatively strokes her abdomen. He has read that massage relaxes stomach muscles and alleviates labor pangs. But his efforts don't help much, because Faith pants and groans, her face contorted with suffering.

Buffy watches them with the mixture of sympathy and embarrassment. And guilt. Xander still isn't aware of the details of their ill-fated fight - but, apparently, watching her ex-enemy clutching at her gut, moaning and wriggling in pain is waking up a lot of memories Buffy would love to forget.

He looks at his watch. The contraction only lasts a minute but it feels like an hour. Faith arches in Xander's arms and cries out through clenched teeth.

Buffy flinches involuntarily and hugs herself. "Hey, Will," she says nervously. "Could you inject her with a magic painkiller?"

Willow hesitates. "I'm afraid I can't do anything there," she points at Faith's belly. "My magic only hurts her."

"Come on, Will, you're - you know - clever! You can figure out something!"

Faith moans with pain again and Willow winces in sympathy. "I could try to block the signals in the brain. If Faith's okay with it."

"Yes, please," Faith grunts and Willow gently massages her temples. Xander sighs with relief when Faith slowly relaxes.

"You have a magic touch, witch," she says, grinning weakly. Willow grins back, removes a strand of hair from Faith's cheek and Xander briefly ponders if he should get jealous, after all.

But Buffy doesn't give him time to think it over. As soon as she sees that Faith is okay, she switches to Xander. He discovers that guilt and embarrassment make her doubly aggressive.

"Why didn't you tell us as soon as you found out? Why did you lie to us?"

He is too tired and scared about Faith to play games. He can be aggressive too. "Because I was terrified! Why are you pretending that Spike isn't your boyfriend?"

Buffy is mortified. "You know? How do you know?"

"Spike is your boyfriend?" Willow exclaims, flabbergasted. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Buffy, I'm stunned by your recklessness," Giles murmurs. "After everything that happened between you and Angel you should have been more prudent, learning the hard way about possible consequences..."

"What consequences?" Buffy snaps. "He doesn't have a soul to lose."

Faith barks a laugh. "Somebody pass me popcorn, please. And, by the way, where are we going?"

"I'll go ask Spike." Giles stands up. "Does anybody have any other shocking confessions to make?"

"I studied the Lambersart codex," Willow says in a small voice. Giles glares and she ducks her head. But he leaves without a word.

Buffy looks at Xander guiltily. "Does it upset you?"

"What?"

"Me and Spike."

The absurdity of the situation strikes him. "We're about to get killed and that's what you worry about?"

Faith laughs hoarsely. "And you're shocked? We're about to get killed on a daily basis, but a boyfriend is wicked serious business."

Their car jerks, stops, then starts off more smoothly. Spike joins them a few moments later. Speak of the devil.

"The Watcher drives like a 90-year-old granny," he grumbles. "Actually, a 90-year-old granny drives better. Why the hell did I get involved with your bunch of losers?"

"'Cause you got it bad for our little B," Faith says and winks. Willow grins and Buffy blushes profusely.

"Yeah, right. I'm here because she pays me!"

Buffy rolls her eyes. "Don't, Spike. You're only making things worse."

"Worse? What could be worse than this bleeding running away from nobody knows what..."

Thunk! Something breaks the window. Stunned, Xander stares at an arrow-head stuck in the wall inches from his head.

"Dammit, Spike!" Buffy hisses. "You shouldn't say any words! At all!"

Next: chapter 16 - In Which Heroes Discover Some Secrets Readers Already Figured Out 


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 - In Which Heroes Discover Some Secrets Readers Already Figured Out

Blackness. He is cold and numb and weightless. Bodyless. Aimless. Alone in the whole world.

No. Not alone. Somebody groans and cries in pain. A girl. Distant voices. "Breathe, Faith. They say it helps." Loud wail. "It doesn't help, B! Oh, shit... your knife in my gut wasn't a nearly this painful..."

Faith is alive. Buffy is alive. Thank God. Where are the rest?

"How are they?" Buffy's voice.

"Harris is okay, but Red's pulse is still low."

A cold hand slaps him on the cheeks. Everything in him protests against this intrusion in his bubble of pleasant numbness. "Don't," he murmurs. Why has his tongue turned into stone?

"Wake up, Harris!" Spike snarls as he shakes him roughly. "You'll sleep when you're dead."

He nods drowsily. Bits and pieces rush into his mind. Now he remembers knights attacking their van, Buffy fighting a man who leapt on the roof, Spike's chip firing when he tried to help her...

Willow, black-eyed, veiny-faced, sending balls of fire at their attackers...

Faith writhing on the floor, him trying to protect her from the arrows with his body...

Spike snatching an arrow out of the air an inch from his throat. "Angelus taught me a couple of tricks!"

An abandoned gas station in the desert, with boarded up windows and weak doors and broken soda machine - Fort Alamo for dummies - knights bursting inside, Buffy knocking out their leader...

Willow making a protection spell, crackling with dark energy... her eyes, full of fear and desperation... "Oh, God, I'm slipping, I'm slipping! Giles! Xander - anchor me!" Him, grabbing her hands and instantly becoming everything and nothing - turning into sand under his feet, stucco on the walls, invisible stars eons away from Earth...

"Xander?" The unmistakable worry in Faith's voice warms his heart.

"I'm okay, Faith." He struggles to sit up. He can't see her well - the room is dark, she's lying in the corner, wiping beads of sweat from her face with dirty hands, leaving black trails on her forehead.

"We thought you were dying," Buffy says, concern so clear on her face. "Willow was draining your energy to perform her spell."

"Willow? Is she..."

Buffy nods to the corner where Willow is lying like a rag doll, her head on Giles's lap. "She's restoring, hopefully. She finished the protection spell and dropped like she was dead."

He staggers to his feet and approaches them slowly. The floor rocks dangerously under his feet. Willow looks calm and peaceful, but Giles' face is creased up with worry.

"How long will the protection hold?"

Giles shrugs. "Several hours, maybe half a day."

Faith groans, arches her back and bites her lip, trying to stifle cries. He rushes to her, despite the dangerously rocking floor.

"Don't hold back," he murmurs, trying to shift her into a more comfortable position. "The books say that crying helps with the pain". He hugs her and rocks back and forth to the accompaniment of her colorful profanities. When the contraction is over, she slowly relaxes, leaned against him.

He watches with detachment as Buffy and Spike tie up their prisoner - a knight in armor with a tattoo on his forehead - to a pillar in the middle of the hall.

"I wonder if Scarface here can habla the English," Spike spits.

"Who are you?" the prisoner says scornfully.

"I'm the bad cop." Spike smirks. "Except it's not a role-playing game anymore, and I really am bad. Very bad. And you will find it out very soon." He vamps out and growls menacingly. Buffy watches him with detached amusement and doesn't interfere.

"You can't stop us," the knight says grimly. "I'm just a soldier in a vast army. If it takes a hundred men, we will send a hundred. And if it takes a thousand, we will send them too. So long as you protect the Key, our brotherhood will never stop until we destroy it."

Buffy frowns. "Great, another crazy. I thought Sunnydale Hospital collected all of them..."

"The instrument of apocalypse must be destroyed at any cost," the prisoner proclaims.

"Gimme something to gag him," Spike says. Buffy casts a nervous glance in Faith's direction and hands him a handkerchief.

"No, wait!" Faith levers herself out of Xander's arms.

"Faith, in your condition..."

"Shut up, Xander." She stands up clumsily, holding her belly. "Slayer, remember? I'm okay - till the next bout, at least. And I have a right to know what's wrong with my kid."

"You don't know, child?" the prisoner says solemnly. "They brainwashed you before they made you the container of the ultimate destruction of humanity. The Key. Thanks to its power Glorificus will unleash chaos on Earth."

Spike snorts. "The wanker is either lying or delusional."

Faith is pale as a ghost but she stays relatively calm. "Try another one, creep. I know my daughter is a normal human baby. And I want to know who her father is."

The knight looks at her with open pity. "You have no idea what you're dealing with."

She clocks him in the jaw.

"Why don't you enlighten me."

"Poor child." He spits blood, coughing. "The Key doesn't have a father. Nobody knows where the Key came from. It's almost as old as the ancient gods. It was created to open the gates that separate dimensions. Its power is overwhelming. Countless generations of my people have sacrificed their lives in search of it, to destroy it before its wrath could be unleashed. But the monks hid it with their magicks. They thought they could harness its power for the forces of light. They were wrong and they paid with their blood..."

"Blah-blah-blah..." Buffy says impatiently. "This baby was created exactly nine months ago."

"The Key was transformed. Given breath. Life. The monks decided to send it to the Slayer in the form of her unborn child to keep it safe. They even sent someone in advance to look after her. Unfortunately, she was killed."

"Ms. Dormer," Faith whispers. She looks shaken. But it's all lies, isn't it? It has to be a lie.

"You're lying," Xander says hoarsely. "You're just making it up. How could you know about it? The Levantine order is a secret society."

The prisoner shakes his head. "I'm also a member of the Levantine order. The clerics, the Byzantium Knights, the magicians - we have different modus operandi, but we all serve humanity. Except a couple of traitors who defected to the Beast."

"The Beast?"

"Glorificus. She, Jasmine and Illyria were a triumvirate of Ancient Gods until Glorificus' lust for power grew beyond her limits. She imprisoned Illyria into the Deeper Well, but Jasmine seized on that moment and stabbed her in the back. Glorificus was cast out, banished to this lower plane of existence, forced to live and ultimately die trapped within the body of a mortal, a newborn male, created as her prison."

"Male?" Giles asks, bewildered. "I assumed that Glorificus was the woman we saw in the hospital."

The prisoner nods. "Yes, that's her. She's found a way to escape her mortal prison for brief periods before her energies are exhausted and she's forced back. Glory's mortal coil is her only weakness. Kill the man, and the god dies."

Xander snorts involuntarily. "And the only thing that keeps you from killing him is your high moral principes - so killing an innocent baby is a much better option."

The knight glares. "The identity of the human vessel has never been discovered. Thankfully, the Beast is almost powerless without the Key. Glorificus rampages and sucks out the coherence from people's minds, but she is not a global threat. Not until she has the Key. The Beast wants to use the Key's power to perform a ritual, open a portal, return to the higher plane and seize the power Jasmine took from her."

"Good riddance," Buffy murmurs.

"You say "use the Key's power," Faith says darkly. "What exactly she wants to do to my daughter?"

"She will bleed her."

"How much blood does she need to open her bloody portal?" Spike asks suddenly, ignoring Buffy's glare. "Believe the expert, Slayer - it's easy to bleed a person without killing him. Or her. If a few drops of the sprog's blood are that skank's ticket to Hell, why don't we provide her with it to get rid of her forever?"

The prisoner sighs. "You don't understand. When the Key is activated, it won't just open a gate to the Beast's dimension. It's going to open all the gates. The walls separating realities will crumble. Dimensions will bleed into one another. Order will be overthrown and the universe will tumble into chaos. We have to prevent it. At any cost. We can't destroy Glory, we have to destroy the Key."

Faith hugs her belly protectively. "Lay a finger on my daughter, and you're dead."

"But..."

"You heard me. You're only still alive because I swore off killing humans."

"I appreciate it," the knight says softly. "And I apologize for the pain and grief we subjected you to. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. In case of a threat Ms. Dormer should have extracted the Key from your body and destroyed it. You wouldn't have even noticed. But Ms. Dormer was killed and, before we could send another one, you were in a coma. As soon as you woke up, the monks passed you the Key and changed your memories accordingly..."

Faith clocks him again, hard. "You raped me. You raped my body and impregnated me. You raped my mind and turned me into your puppet..."

"No!" the prisoner shrieks hysterically. Apparently, these accusations frighten him more than death. "It didn't happen like that! Nobody touched you physically! Passing the Key is a sacred process!"

"Oh, really? Was there praying? Incense burning? Were you shoving your mojo into my belly?"

The knight shakes his head. "It doesn't work like that. The monks started with exploring your memories. The hardest trick is to change as little as possible and to keep the integrity of the person. The Key should be somebody you'd protect with your life. They pondered upon giving you a brother, a sister, a son - and, finally, decided that the Key should be presented to you in the form of your daughter. They picked the easiest man to be the father. Then they imbued your daughter with the Keyness and magically transferred the fetus into your body."

Faith touches her belly. "You mean this is Xander's kid, too?"

The prisoner nods.

"And you'd never have told us the truth unless this mess happened?"

"We tried to provide you with a guardian. We have contacts in the Council. But you refused to cooperate with them. We were about to send a man who would tell you the truth - but you gave up to the police and ended up in jail. We thought you were safe there. But Glorificus somehow found out about you."

"It was her who killed that monk a week ago?" Buffy asks sharply. "He tried to tell me something before he died."

The knight nods. "The monk was sent to warn you about the Key. They finally realized how dangerous it is and decided it has to be destroyed. When Glorificus killed our brother, the order sent us. To do what has to be done."

"You guys are scum," Buffy says with disgust. "Brain-washers, manipulators and liars."

"It was a white lie," the prisoner counters. "Desperate times call for desperate measures. I'm sorry for putting you through this - but the Key is the link that must be severed. The Key is too dangerous to be allowed to exist - no matter what form it has been pressed into."

"You're lying," Faith whispers. "She isn't..." She gasps and doubles over in pain. Xander and Buffy catch her just in time when her knees buckle and she slides on the floor, curling around her belly.

"Faith!"

She wriggles, mouth open in an extreme of agony that cannot even scream. Buffy clasps her hand. "Hang on, Faith. We'll extract this Key thingy out of you and you will be okay, I promise."

Xander's heart clenches. He knows it won't be okay - and he isn't wrong.

Once the contraction is over, Faith stares at Buffy with open hostility. "You think I will just watch you killing her? Think again."

Next - Chapter 17: Dollhouse Much? 


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 - Dollhouse Much?

"You're good guys. We're also good guys. We must be able to find a solution without killing anybody."

Xander tries not to sound like he is cornered, but it's obvious. Buffy's talking like she has already made her decision. Of course she doesn't think about it as killing. She's thinking about destroying a threat and avoiding the apocalypse. And, of course, Spike is on her side. And Giles is silent. And Willow is unconscious. And Faith's contractions are coming closer and becoming more intense and painful; she grows weaker with every bout, she can't protect herself and their baby anymore.

So it's up to him now.

"What's your name?" he asks the prisoner.

"Gregor."

"You're not just a regular soldier."

"General."

"Okay, General Gregor. You're a clever man. You know the compromise is the best way to deal with extreme situations. We keep you alive - you let us go. You let us go - we find a way to destroy the Beast. We destroy the Beast..."

Giles winces. "Stop clowning around." He turns to Gregor. "I know about magic and I know that a ritual usually includes many crucial ingredients necessary to perform it."

Gregor gives Giles a once-over and, apparently, acknowledges him as a leader. "This is not the case, alas. At a certain day and hour the Key's blood will become active. If it's not contained by the Key's shell, it will transform the matter and open gates to other worlds."

Xander's heart leaps. A certain day and hour?

"How long does the Key stay active?" he asks.

"Several hours." The general still doesn't look at him. "The Beast needs only a second or two to bleed the baby. If Glorificus gets her, we are all doomed." He stares at Giles. "Time to decide. Are you ready to bear the responsibility of impending apocalypse?"

They lock eyes in a brief, silent contest and, after a few moments, something changes in Giles' face.

"What do you suggest?" Giles asks slowly.

"My broadsword - it's somewhere on the floor, in the back room. As soon as the child arrives..."

Faith struggles to get up but another violent contraction tears through her and she howls in pain. "Screw you!" she shrieks, writhing in Xander's arms. "You hurt her - I'll find you no matter where you hide and make you eat your dick!" Once the contraction is over, she sags against Xander's chest and sobs helplessly. "I... told you," she murmurs. "I knew they'd kill us..."

"No, Faith!" He looks around desperately. "You'll be okay, you'll see!"

"Liar." She sniffles. "Why does it hurt so much?... Xander... I can't see you..."

Panic sweeps over him. What if she can't deliver the baby naturally? What if Buffy damaged something inside when she stabbed her - something that wasn't dangerous until the childbirth?

What if Buffy's erstwhile attack is killing Faith now?

"She needs a doctor!"

"Yes, good idea," Giles says wryly.

"Actually, the phone in the back room is working," Spike says. "I'd call the police. As much as I hate cops..."

"No, Spike," Buffy interrupts quickly. "The police can't be involved."

Spike eager to call the police and Buffy forbidding him? This is so not good.

Faith looks between them, wild-eyed. "What will you do, B?"

"I'll call a friend of mine. A doctor who works at Sunnydale hospital."

"Total wanker," Spike puts in.

Buffy ignores him. "Ben treated Mom. He's a good doctor. And he told me I could call him in case of emergency. He will help you."

Faith is about to say something but another contraction hits her and she wails and clings to Xander. He vaguely hears Buffy talking into the phone. "Painkillers," he barks. "Tell him to bring painkillers!"

When Buffy returns from the back room, she brings Gregor's broadsword with her. Giles reaches out a hand for the weapon but Buffy pointedly ignores his gesture. "The doctor will be here soon," she says to Xander matter-of-factly. "He'll bring painkillers."

"Um, guys? Maybe I could help?"

Willow's voice is music to Xander's ears. Willow looks pale and exhausted, but she assures them she's okay and, of course, she could help Faith. Grateful, he helps Faith to make herself comfortable, her head on Willow's lap. Faith slowly relaxes - but Willow visibly tenses as Xander quickly recounts the events she missed. When he finishes filling Willow in, he notices that Faith has gone limp, her eyes glazed over.

"I switched her off," Willow says off his look. "It will be better for her if she doesn't feel anything."

"Wake her up, Will - now!"

"Willow is right," Giles says coldly. "We have to make a decision. A very hard decision. We can't get distracted by sentiment."

He feels betrayed. "You've already made the decision, haven't you?"

"Chill out, Xander," Buffy says calmly. At least she sounds calm. "We'll save Faith. I swear."

Their eyes meet.

"And then you'll kill our baby."

Buffy gives him a long unblinking stare. He's never seen her like this before.

"I'll do what I have to do," she says softly.

"You don't want to do that, Buff. You don't want to do it!"

She nods, pale and resolute. "I don't. But I'm the Slayer."

"Oh, sure. What if it was your kid? Or your mother? What if somebody said that your mother's murder was necessary to save the world?"

"Stop it, Xander!" Giles barks. "Don't make it harder than it has to be. Get real. After all, what you are feeling is not real. They programmed you to feel this way."

"Programmed? We're all programmed! You wear tweed but you don't wear jeans. Buffy wears jeans and high heels because glossy magazines and TV ads brainwash her 24/7, and she patrols in high heels instead of gym-shoes, and risks her life, and..."

"Stop the demagogy, Xander," Giles says grimly. "Fashion and morality are different things."

"The hell they are. Morality is programming too. The Council brainwashes Watchers and they, in turn, brainwash their slayers. About evil vampires. Except that one of them is covering your sorry ass right now! Tell me you didn't know that vampires and humans can cooperate. Tell me you don't know about vampire brothels!"

"Vampire brothels?" Buffy asks, incredulous.

Spike grunts. "You really don't want to know, Slayer."

"Xander, stop it," Giles warns.

But he can't. All he sees is the big shiny broadsword in Buffy's hands. If playing devil's advocate can tip the scales, he will play. "They programmed you to kill vampires, Buff. And you killed them until you fell in love with Angel..."

"Because he has a soul..."

"Spike doesn't. Yet he follows you around, like your dog, doing nothing but what you ask him to "

Spike lets out a low threatening growl.

"For some odd reason, he seems to like you a lot. He doesn't even have a soul."

"Spike has a chip!" Buffy shouts.

"Yes, exactly. Jesse could have had a chip too. And lived with it! But I dusted him. I dusted my best friend because I was told that vampires are evil, period. If I hadn't believed it, Jesse'd be here with us."

"You're cheating, Xander, and you know it," Buffy says bitterly. "This is not what Giles was talking about. He means that your love isn't real. They raped your mind. They made you believe that you love her. Because otherwise you would never have any feelings for her..."

He looks at unconscious Faith, and a wave of tenderness sweeps over him. He loves her so much - loves this exhausted face, stained with tears and grime, this rumpled hair, these small strong hands with abrasions and broken nails, this defiantly protruding belly - a beginning of a new life, a pledge of the future...

Buffy's lips tremble. "I can't believe we're having a fight over something that's not even real."

"Are your feelings for Spike real? Don't answer, I can see they are. But - you know what? - they're programmed too. Because after the spell I remember the real thing. Do you know what really happened that night when you thought Spike was helping you to track Faith? We met him and he mocked us. He wanted to side with Faith to see her killing you. He was our enemy. They changed him and turned him into your lover. Your situation with Spike is exactly like mine with Faith."

He has hit a sore spot. No wonder that Buffy is furious. "You know what's real?" she hisses. "That she's manipulating you to protect her spawn. Do you really think she will be able to fall in love with you when you earn enough points in your "let's-save-poor-Faith-from-evil-Buffy" game? Newsflash, Xan - she doesn't give a damn about you and never will. In any reality!"

Something snaps in him. Suddenly he is beyond anger and hurt. Strange calmness descends upon him.

"Maybe. Maybe she doesn't. But I do."

Out of arguments, Buffy hesitates, anger and confusion on her face.

"Time to prove that you're the Slayer," Gregor says encouragingly. "You falter and unimaginable legions will perish, including everyone here. You can stop this. You can save all their lives... by ending one. The Key. Destroy it, and the will of the Beast will be broken. She will fade, a distant memory... and this madness will end. Untie me and I will help you..."

"Shut up," Buffy barks. She looks at Xander guiltily.

"I'm really very sorry, Xander," she whispers.

Her hands clasp the hilt of her broadsword tightly. That's it. He hoped to avoid it, till the last moment - but, apparently, no such luck.

"No, Buff. Not yet. You will be sorry when you kill me."

Buffy smiles a wretched smile. "What?"

"You want to kill my daughter? You have to kill me first."

"You're bluffing." Buffy's voice is tinged with shock and denial.

"Try me."

Suddenly everything around him seems smaller. Things and people are distant and unreal. An invisible bubble separates him from the rest of the world. Inside it, only two people exist. Him and Buffy.

Her lips quiver. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I don't want to, Buffy. But you leave me no choice. I can't protect my kid in a fair fight. All I can do is to gamble my life and hope that you can't bring yourself to kill me."

Next: Chapter 18 - In Which "The" Lie Is Finally Set To Rest 


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18 - In Which "The" Lie Is Finally Set At Rest

"Get off your big shiny cross," Buffy spits. "It's easy to die for someone you love. What about killing the one you love to save the world? I killed Angel - and I loved him more than anything I will ever love in this life. I sent him to hell because I had to - and you were cheering me on. Do you remember giving me Willow's message - "Kick his ass?"

He feels like he's been thrown into cold water. Cold and dirty water.

Willow looks at him, confused. "I never said..."

"Because I made it up." He has nothing to lose anymore - hasn't he? He has burned all his bridges.

"Why, Xander?" Willow asks, incredulous.

"Because I was scared. Because Buffy had failed to kill him once, and it cost us dearly. Because I didn't want her dead."

He makes himself look Buffy in the face. It's the face of a small child who has been slapped viciously. "Do you understand what you did?" she whispers. "Angel wouldn't have died. I could've..."

"There was nothing you could've done, pet," Spike says, unexpectedly gentle. He's the last person Xander expects support from - but, apparently, they can proudly share the chairmanship of the "We Hate Angel" club.

Buffy shakes her head. "I could've "

"I was there, Slayer. I saw it. You were surrounded by Angel's minions when he grabbed the bleeding sword. There was no way back after that moment. You would have died."

"I'd gladly have died instead of him!" Buffy is almost crying. "At least, if I died, I wouldn't have to be here, choosing between killing my friend and facing the end of the world."

Spike winces. "Slayer - if you died instead of him, the world would have ended three years ago! The wanker would have turned it into another Hell, Inc. Don't torture yourself, pet. You did all you could do."

"Don't talk to me like I'm a five-year old! I thought you were on my side."

"Always am. No matter what you do. I just don't want to lose you. I know you, Slayer. If you kill the tyke there won't be a way back for you."

"If we don't kill it, hell will be unleashed," Giles retorts. "Millions of people would die. The civilization would descend into chaos. The world would end. Are you suggesting that Buffy should assume responsibility for of the end of the world?"

Spike sighs, defeated. Giles is right.

Yet he is wrong. Utterly wrong.

"I tell you this," Xander says hoarsely. "You kill an innocent baby and that is the beginning of the end of the world."

He feels a hand on his shoulder. Willow. She stands by him - small, fragile and resolute.

"Xander is right," she says firmly. "There are other ways and we will find them."

Buffy stares at her, wide-eyed. "You don't understand, Will. Don't you remember what I told you about Cordelia and her seven demonic babies? She tried to protect them when she got possessed, but when her ordeal was over she was grateful for them being killed and for being saved."

Willow shakes her head. "There is nothing demonic about Xander's baby, Buffy. I swear. I feel the aura."

Buffy visibly squirms at the words "Xander's baby", but she nods reluctantly.

"Okay," Willow goes on calmly. "Xander's daughter becomes a threat only once and only for a short period of time in the future. Right?" She looks at Gregor questioningly.

He glares. "You're playing with fire, child..."

"Just yes or no."

"Yes," he says, resigned.

"So, we have a lot of time to destroy the Beast."

"You can't destroy Glorificus," says Gregor. "She is a God. She is indestructible."

The challenge makes Willow's eyes sparkle. "I will find a way."

"No, Willow, you won't," Giles interrupts sharply. "You can't defy a God! There will be grave consequences."

"Screw consequences when my best friend's life is in danger!"

Giles frowns. "Magic is already corrupting your soul, Willow. Don't you see it? You almost killed your best friend when you slipped during the protection spell."

"I did what I had to do!" She sounds hurt and angry. "I saved you all!"

"The magic you're channeling is more dangerous and ferocious than you can cope with. You're an amateur, Willow. You're lucky you haven't killed Xander and yourself!"

Willow breathes heavily, her hand clenching Xander's shoulder painfully. "Hey, I'm not complaining!" he says reassuringly. But she isn't paying attention to him. She stares at Giles, furious.

"You're right, Giles" she says slowly. "The magic I use is incredibly powerful. I'm incredibly powerful. And maybe it's not such a good idea for you to piss me off."

As they lock eyes silently, Xander can physically feel the power that emanates from Willow. He wants to say something to break the tension but he can't move. Willow's power is devouring his will.

"Dissension in the ranks," Gregor says, contented. "Seldom the harbinger of glad tidings."

"Shut up!" Buffy looks between Willow and Giles, worried and confused. "Guys, can we put it off? The Beast isn't an imminent danger, Faith isn't in pain, we have a bit of breathing-space. Let's focus on the Beast and how to slay it."

"The Ren Faire reject was yammering something about the Beast's human host," Spike reminds.

Willow's hand on Xander's shoulder relaxes. She slowly deflates. "C'mon, Giles, I don't want to fight. Let's not, okay? I'll think about what you said, and you... try to be happy I saved your lives, okay?"

Giles relents. "Willow, I just ask you to be very careful. You have no idea what kind of power you're toying with."

Willow ducks her head guiltily. "I will be careful. I won't try to confront the Beast, I promise. I will find her human host."

"It's impossible," Gregor says.

Willow snorts. "All you have to do is to go online and write "man turns into woman" in a search box. No magic, no spells, just typing skills and common sense..."

Gregor smiles mirthlessly. "You really are arrogant. You think it's that easy?"

Willow shrugs. "I think a lot of people would notice a man turning into a woman."

He shakes his head. "Glorificus secured herself against it. Her minions did a spell that forbids humans to remember the change."

"How can you forbid someone to remember?" Buffy asks, puzzled.

"Humans forget about the change instantly."

"Only humans?" Spike inquires. "Because I could ask around in vampire circles."

Gregor sighs. "Vampires are immune to this spell, but the host is human and he is unlikely to visit vampire brothels..."

"Still, there is a chance."

Giles shakes his head. "Too risky. The life of one child against the destiny of civilization."

Willow's eyes sparkle. "Wasn't it risky with the box of Gavrok? The life of one Willow Rosenberg against the destiny of the civilization. And this Willow is still alive."

"That was different. The box of Gavrok was just one of the ingredients the Mayor needed for his Ascension."

"It's always different! There is only one permanent thing - we don't sacrifice humans, no matter how hard it is. And even if we can't destroy the Beast, we can hide Faith and her baby until..."

"You can't," Gregor says. "That's what we planned initially. But as soon as Glory became aware of the identity of the Key, we realized that the plan had failed."

Willow snorts. "Pffft, identity. I could..." Off Giles' glare she amends quickly. "The Council can provide Faith with false documents and safely hide her until the window of opportunity is closed."

Gregor gives her a long calculating look.

"No, it won't work," he says finally.

"Why?"

"Because Glorificus will find out about the Key's whereabouts, no matter what. Won't she?"

"What do you mean?" Giles asks sharply. "Wait... How did she find out in the first place?"

Gregor looks at him appreciatively. "That's the question, isn't it? We took all the necessary precautions to hide the Key's identity. We even provided it with a pain barrier to protect from any magical intervention. Everything went smoothly until the news about the Key reached Sunnydale. Until you found out that the Slayer carries a child."

Xander's stomach knots. Gregor is voicing his own fears. Fears that have plagued him since the assault on Faith. As soon as they found out about Faith's baby, Glorificus found out too.

"It was your bleeding monk who betrayed you and gave the Key away to the skank," Spike says flatly.

"It is impossible," Gregor retorts. "All the monks are put under a special spell. They forget everything as soon as they see the Beast. It's a standard precaution. It was one of your people who leaked the word."

Buffy is baffled. "But none of us knew about the Key until you told us!"  
"I don't believe in coincidences," Gregor says wearily. "The traitors who defected to the Beast told her that the Key was something new to this world and that the monks had sent the Key to the Slayer. So initially Glorificus was convinced they had sent it to Summers. We hoped that Summers could keep The Beast occupied till the window of opportunity is closed..."

"You're disgusting, you know?" Buffy spits.

"The monks did all they could to help you, Summers. They directed your best friend's interests towards powerful magic..." The general looks at Willow briefly. "They even provided the Slayer with a vampire ally who had connections in the demon world..." He nods at Spike sullenly. "Their plan seemed to work for a while. Glorificus stuck to Sunnydale. Until somebody tipped her off that the other Slayer was with child."

Gregor glances around the group.

"There is an informer among you."

Next: Chapter 19 - Buffy Cringes. Buffy Helps. (Well, She Mostly Cringes). 


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19 - Buffy Cringes. Buffy Helps. (Well, She Mostly Cringes)

"You're lying!"

Buffy is furious. "You think we'll believe you and start killing each other? These people are my closest friends and I trust them more than I trust myself. There are no traitors here!"

Giles coughs discreetly. "Actually, it's hard to believe it was a coincidence..." Off Buffy's glare he falls silent.

The arrival of Buffy's doctor is a pleasant distraction from the tension. The knights are reluctant to let him in, but Spike assures them that Gregor needs medical help, namely, a blood transfusion, because he, Big Bad Bloodsucker, drained him almost dry, grrr, - and demonstrates his fangs with relish.

Doctor Ben looks very unhappy but he acts professionally. He orders Xander and Spike to put the unconscious Faith on the countertop, checks her pulse. He can't help but cast furtive glances at Spike, at the same time trying to ignore the fact that Gregor is tied to the pillar. Does the doctor take them for a bunch of homeless junkies? Raving maniacs? Bonnies and Clydes on the run?

"Is your friend drugged?" he asks Buffy. "What happened to her?"

"She doesn't take drugs," Buffy murmurs. "She was having contractions. Then something went wrong. She was in terrible pain. Willow put her under a spe... under hypnosis."

"Was she bleeding?"

Buffy winces. "N-no," she murmurs. "I don't think so."

Xander tenses when the doctor bares Faith's abdomen. He doesn't understand why he suddenly feels like someone is walking over his grave when this stranger presses his stethoscope to Faith's belly.

"Has she had any abdominal trauma in the past?"

Buffy flinches and averts her eyes. "She was wounded in the stomach once..."

The doctor puts away his stethoscope and examines Faith's belly closely. "I don't see any scars. But if she really was shot in the abdomen during pregnancy - especially in the lower abdomen - there could have been grave complications."

Apparently, the doctor thinks they're a gang of sado-masochistic scum who shoot pregnant girlfriends in the stomach.

"It happened before her pregnancy," Buffy says with difficulty.

"How long ago?"

"Eighteen months. And - she hasn't been shot. She has been stabbed. With a knife." She presses her index finger to her own gut below navel. "Here."

Doctor Ben scrutinizes Faith's skin again.

"You're wrong, Buffy. She has no scars. Could she make it up? You know, to gain your sympathy?"

"No, she didn't make it up."

"How do you know? You were there when she was stabbed?"

Buffy half-laughs, half-sobs.

"It was me who stabbed her."

"What?!" The doctor is officially creeped out. He looks at the others, but nobody tells him it was a joke. "Over the phone you told me the girl who needed help was your friend."

"She is my friend!" Off the doctor's shocked look she adds. "It's... complicated."

Poor Doc will probably reconsider asking Buffy out now. "Did she recover completely after you sta... after that incident? Were there complications?"

Buffy hugs herself nervously. "Yes. She was in a coma for nine months. But, when she woke up... Her body felt okay. Recovered."

The doctor's eyebrows go up.

"It's not what you think," Buffy murmurs, blushing.

"Am I getting this right? Eighteen months ago you stabbed her, she spent nine months in a coma, woke up, you... something happened between you, and for the next nine months she carried a baby. May I ask who the proud father is?"

Buffy looks at Xander.

"I am," he says.

The doctor takes his measure sourly. "Has she been complaining of abdominal pains during pregnancy?"

"I - I don't know. She was... not here."

The disapproval in the doctor's eyes becomes more evident. "I see. Do you know if she has been under medical observation?"

He nods vigorously. "The last five months she has been under constant medical observation. And she was okay."

"Where was she observed?"

"In Northern California Women's Facility." He doesn't realize how it sounds until he's done saying it. "She didn't escape from jail," he adds hastily. "She's been paroled."

"Really? When?"

"Today. Or, rather, yesterday. And she was - okay. Until something went wrong."

The doctor shrugs. "So far, I don't see anything wrong with her or the baby. She isn't bleeding, she has fully dilated, the fetus' pulse is steady. You have to wake her up from hypnosis so that she could push."

Xander is afraid to believe him. Afraid to jinx it. "But she was in terrible pain."

"It's her first delivery, isn't it? She has narrow hips and very strong abdominal muscles - so, the dilation could have been extremely painful. Besides, pain level is greatly influenced by fear and anxiety. Wake her up. It's good that she has rested a bit. Because she has work to do."

When Faith comes to her senses the first word she says is his name. "Xander... don't let them..."

"It's okay, Faith," he hastens to say. "Buffy is helping us. She won't let anybody hurt our baby."

He looks at Buffy pointedly. She nods.

"I promise, Faith. You and baby will be okay. Relax - I mean, don't relax, because you have to push... right, doctor?"

"I'll take it from here, if you don't mind," Ben says. "Faith, right? Good name. Now, Faith, listen closely. You have to help your baby to get born. So, when I tell you to push, you push..."

The next several minutes are a blur. When did the doctor tell him to hold Faith down? Did it happen when she almost broke the doctor's arm? Or when she started thrashing and ruined his stethoscope? Transfixed, Xander watches Buffy pressing hard on Faith's belly. Did she step in when Faith moaned that she couldn't do it anymore? Or when the doctor appealed to Giles, only to see him frozen with shock? "Help her, Buffy, now!" - "What do I do?" - "Weight upon her upper stomach with both hands and press down, with all your force!" - "But, Ben, I'm very strong, you know?" - "Good!" - "I can hurt her!" - "You won't!"

Then, suddenly, it's over. Faith relaxes in his arms, sobbing and laughing, Buffy lies across Faith's midsection, also sobbing and laughing, and their daughter proudly demonstrates her lung power.

"Congratulations, Faith," Ben says. "You've given birth to a healthy girl. Do you want to hold her?"

"Yes," she whispers. "Yes."

The baby is tiny. Hard to believe that this fragile creature could cause so much pain. Impossible to believe that this little bundle can destroy the world.

"She is the spitting image of her mother," he says to Faith. "She has your eyes."

"And your mouth, Xander" Buffy adds. "Oh, guys, she is so beautiful."

Xander grins at her. "Does it make you wanna have one?"

"Oh, no. I couldn't survive such an ordeal." Buffy sounds genuinely awed. "You're a real hero, Faith. I don't think I'm that brave."

Spike smirks. "Thank your lucky stars you have an undead lover."

"Don't listen to Spike, Buffy," Willow says. "Delivering a child must be an incredibly empowering experience. Right, Faith?"

She grins feebly. "Yep, I'm a poster child of women power."

"No, really. You created a new life. You became equal to God. You..."

"You have to let me out!" the doctor Ben screams suddenly.

Willow is puzzled. "Why? Did I hurt your feelings by not mentioning your help?"

"You don't understand! I've got to get out! Open a door! Now!"

Instinctively, Xander covers Faith and the baby, and that's when it happens.

A shift.

Like a slide projector. When one cartridge is taken out of the slot, for a brief moment you can see a blank white wall. Then another cartridge is inserted and there is a new picture.

A completely new picture.

Where the doctor Ben stood few moments ago, now stands the already-familiar woman with a wicked, haughty face.

Glorificus.

The Beast.

Next: Chapter 20 - The Finale 


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 - The Finale

Glorificus looks around, taking in the situation. "How unexpected. He finally did something right."

Who the hell is she talking about? Xander's heart is pounding. He hugs Faith who's clutching their daughter to her chest and staring at The Beast with grim, desperate challenge. He has never felt so powerless. Why can't he teleport? Or shoot laser beams from his eyes?

Glorificus smiles. "I don't even need to stain my divine hands, gutting a filthy human body and seeking bloodied bowels for my Key. It's already extracted from the cache and ready for use...."

Faith struggles to sit up but, exhausted, falls back into Xander's arms.

"How very useful of him..." Glorificus steps up and stumbles. "Hey, what have you worms done?"

Willow blocks the way, her silhouette crackling with magic. "Enemies, fly and fall...circling arms, raise a wall..."

Glorificus laughs derisively. "A little witch. You know what people used to do to witches? Burn 'em." She pounds on Willow's invisible barrier and Willow staggers a bit.

"Things change," Giles says as he joins hands with Willow. Glorificus hits the barrier again and yelps in frustration.

"Ouch," Buffy deadpans, taking Giles' hand. "A broken nail can get a girl into a bad mood for a week, you know."

"Especially if the skank paints her nails with the most garish polish in this dimension," Spike adds, grabbing Buffy's hand.

"How dare you! I am a God."

"The God of what?" Spike leers. "Bad perms? Fashion rejects?"

You need to enrage a God? Call Spike. Glorificus howls in frustration.

"Shut up, half-breed! Back in my youth, we called you the ooze that eats itself. You sparkled and stank of that filthy, degrading humanity that gets under my skin and devours me like a plague. I've been waiting an eternity - almost twenty-five human years - to get back to my beloved Hell where I'm gonna rule again. I'm gonna rain down more slaughter, mayhem and bloodshed than you can even dream about. So how come I ain't happy? Am I really fond of that little nagging pinch of humanity in me?"

Willow shoots a beam and Glorificus staggers, engulfed in the vortex of magic energy.

"You will pay for your insolence, arrogant littlewitch!" she hisses. "You think you can save them?"

"I know I can save them."

Willow's voice sounds strange - low and thundering. She looks back at Xander, smiles reassuringly, and he bolts, horrified, because her eyes are completely black and her face is covered with a web of thin black veins.

"You can't save them, you worthless scab!" Glorificus screeches. "And you know why? Because all of them are trapped here because of - you!"

"What?"

"Don't listen to her, Willow," Giles warns.

Glorificus sniggers. "Remember the day you came to the hospital to talk to your friend, witch? You had just uncovered a big fat secret. The secret your Watcher wanted to protect you from. But you found out that a Slayer was carrying a child and you were so eager to share the news, so proud that you outsmarted your Watcher..."

"Giles, I swear I didn't want to..." Willow trails off.

"Later," he barks. "Focus!"

"You soared so high," Glorificus laughs, triumphant. "You fancied yourself the savior. You were expecting people to worship you. You stroked your ego, imagining how your friends would tell you about your brilliance, how you would become their leader. How that girl, who once was your enemy, would share your bed..."

"Shut up!"

Glorificus roars with laugher. "You are getting weak, honey. You realize, finally, who you are. A fragile human girl who is so scared and insecure that she defies a God to prove herself worthy."

"Kali, Hera, Kronos, Tonic, air like nectar thick as Onyx..." Willow chants desperately.

"Humanity is so funny," Glorificus muses. "Humans always potter about, stuck in their pathetic desires and passions. Yet, deep inside, each human pits himself against Gods. Frustrating, isn't it, to be muck at our feet? I can sympathize, witch. It was incredibly frustrating, to be trapped in a worthless human body when I knew the Key was so close. My minions went to the hospital to talk to Ben, overheard your conversation and I realized that the Key was hidden in another worthless human body..."

Xander looks at his daughter who sleeps through all of this in Faith's arms, and squeezes his fists. Yes, he is very frustrated to be trapped in his worthless human body. If he could break free he'd strangle The Beast with his bare hands.

He stands up and feverishly pats his pockets. He'd give anything for a decent weapon - bazooka, nuclear war-head, Klingon battleship - but there is nothing but Anya's sachet with the powder of Nagarju-something. He fumbles it aimlessly. What did Anya say about it? It reveals the inner essense of a person... no, it reveals weakness...

"...but you never give up, worms," Glorificus spits bitterly. "You pollute me with your stinking humanity. I'm lowering myself to mocking you, little witch, instead of putting my fist through your heart. I want to see you squirming, sobbing, begging for mercy when I start to eviscerate your friends..."

"Don't listen to her, Willow," Buffy pleads.

Too late. Darth Rosenberg's facade crumbles, and the next moment the magic barrier crackles and dissipates. Glorificus backhands Willow viciously, flings her across the room, and rushes to the Key.

To his daughter.

The Beast doesn't even notice Xander. If there's one good thing about being a nobody, it's working on saving the world unnoticed - especially to the enemy...

He acts instinctively. It's a pure reflex - to splash the powder into Glorificus' face. Only when the sparkling cloud starts to envelop her, the thought about the little nagging pinch of humanity in The Beast flashes in his brain...

... and then it happens again.

A shift.

A slide cartridge of furious Glorificus is taken out of the slot, for a brief moment there is a blank white wall, then another cartridge is inserted and there is doctor Ben, rumpled, unconscious, lying at his feet.

"Bloody buggering hell!" Spike exclaims. "It wasn't a hallucination! This bastard is Glorificus' host. He has been here, all the time. We could have killed him at any moment."

What is he talking about?

"Who is Glorificus' host?" Buffy asks, utterly bewildered.

Spike looks at her, baffled. "You know... Ben. He is The Beast."

Spike must be off his rocker. Ben isn't The Beast. Ben is the doctor who delivered their baby.

Willow slowly approaches them, staggering. "You mean Ben's with The Beast?"

"Has your God-defying gig scrambled your brains, Red?"

She only blinks.

"Bugger." Exasperated, Spike turns to Giles. "You saw it, didn't you, Rupert?"

"Saw what?"

"Is everyone here very stoned?" Spike looks between them, seriously pissed. "That wanker Ben turned into The Beast, did his "mwahaha, I'm evil" number, got sprinkled with shiny sparklets and turned back into wanker Ben. Surely, you remember! Ben. Glorificus. He's a doctor. She's The Beast. Two entirely separate entities, sharing one body. It's like a bloody sitcom!"

Spike must be hallucinating. Or watching too many soaps.

"Harris!"

Spike grabs him by the shoulders, shakes him roughly and winces as his chips fires. "Listen, I can't kill the bastard because of my sodding chip, but you can. You just have to believe me. The Beast worked the kind of mojo where anyone who sees her little presto-chango instantly forgets. And yours truly, being a vampire, stands immune. This wanker is The Beast."

"Are you out of your mind, Spike?" Buffy snaps. "You're asking Xander to kill Ben?"

"Bloody yes!" Spike squares off against her. "Because this is the only way."

"But but " Buffy turns to Giles for support, but he seems lost in thought, his gaze focused on Ben's unconscious form.

It does make sense. Gregor said something about vampires' immunity to the spell. And isn't it strange that Ben appeared right where The Beast was standing?..

"Dammit, Harris! We don't have much time! Do you trust me?"

Can you trust a killer?

Something glimmers on the floor under the counter. Gregor's broadsword. Xander awkwardly lifts it up. It's incredibly heavy. And long. And - completely unreal. How could knights fight with these? In full armor? Yet they fought and they went to the Crusades and...

And they killed.

"What are you doing, Xander?" Buffy says, appalled. "You can't kill a human!"

What is he doing?

"He does what a man should do!" Spike snaps, blocking her the way. "For fuck's sake, Xander! Either you trust a vampire - or else the skank will be back and we all will die."

It's so weird, Spike calling him by name. It's so weird, them all looking at him. It feels like a school Shakespere production, him raising a sword over a man. Except it's a real sword raised over a real man. The man who delivered his baby. To be or...

He closes his eyes when he buries the sword in Ben's chest. Part of him still hopes to wake up in cold sweat and realize it was just a nightmare. But a when he forces himself to open his eyes, he sees a bloodied corpse with the sword in the chest.

Right in the heart. Staking vampires for five years finally paid off.

"The kid has guts," Spike croaks.

Xander turns away. He feels sick. He looks at Faith whose eyes are full of sympathy and he finally understands what she felt when she killed the Mayor's flunky. Some integral part of his soul is lost forever.

The Xander they knew is gone. Irreversibly. He is a different man.

"Look," Willow whispers.

He doesn't want to, but he looks nevertheless.

The body starts to change. Close-cropped cut turns into a shock of curls, the face acquires a feminine pout, the masculine bulk transforms into a thin woman's torso.

"Oh, goodness," Gregor says with awe. "You killed it. You really killed The Beast."

The transformation of the body goes on. Beautiful face blackens, eyes sink into eye-sockets, flesh decomposes and acquires the look of an old parchment. Buffy touches the hand of the corpse and it bursts into dust.

Poor Doctor Ben.

"The Beast is dead," Gregor proclaims solemnly. "It's the end of the era of horrors, tortures and depravity..."

"Preaching to the choir, general," Giles says as he cuts the rope on Gregor's hands and feet. "There. Go tell your people to let us be."

The general nods. Before he leaves he comes to Xander and shakes his hand. "Thank you."

Just yesterday Xander would have quipped about calling him any time a God needs to get his ass kicked. But now his tongue fails and he can only say, "You're welcome."

Nothing feels right. They've defeated the big bad, yet he feels like he's the only part in this whole picture that doesn't make sense.

A hand rests on his shoulder. "Do you want to hold her?" Faith asks softly.

He takes his daughter in his arms and his heart warms to her immediately. She is so small and weird and she's his. He hugs Faith and his detachment slowly melts away as he drinks in the moment. Their daughter. Their connection. Unexpected sadness in Buffy's eyes. Willow's awkward smile. Spike's knowing smirk. Giles' respectful glance.

Dawn of a new day. The moment of truth.

"What should we call her?" Faith asks.

"Dawn," he says softly. "We'll call her Dawn."

The end 


End file.
